Week 33: 12 things I never said until I was pregnant

By Published On: October 17th, 2014

Pregnancy is a whole different ballgame where nothing is really […]

Pregnancy is a whole different ballgame where nothing is really taboo. The closer you get to childbirth, the more comfortable you are sharing your stories of mucus plugs and bloody shows with your mailman. You want to express your opinions on why it’s unfair that pregnancy has to be the way it is. He just wants you to sign for the certified letter he has in his hand, so he can go about his business of not hearing about mucus plugs.
These types of conversations almost always get started after someone asks how I’m feeling. After almost three pregnancies, there’s not much I haven’t said. My responses have included:

  1. This baby’s butt is all over my stomach.
  2. I’m leaking.
  3. My cervix hurts.
  4. Is that supposed to look like watery snot?
  5. I think I just peed my pants a little.
  6. I hope I start dilating and effacing soon.
  7. I think there’s a foot under my ribcage.
  8. I can’t pick that up off the floor. It’s too far away.
  9. What. is. THAT?
  10. I can’t feel my bladder anymore.
  11. My pelvis hurts inside out.
  12. My water just broke.

Thankfully it’s only a few short months until conversations can appropriately move on to more normal things like the consistency of formula poop or breast milk poop and what’s normal. Only this time you’re asking the mailman, not informing him.