Week 17: What. is. THAT?

A self guided Q and A by myself, with myself. Asking and answering my own questions about things already plaguing me this pregnancy.

Is my skin is making me sweaty?
I work up more of a sweat watching TV than my husband does playing basketball.
 
What is it?
Sweat. Sweaty everything. Sweaty here, sweaty there, sweaty everywhere.

Why does it happen?
Extra blood. So, I’m like a walking furnace. In June.
 
What can I do?

• Wear thin clothes.
• Wear no clothes.
• Drink water.
• Drink more water.
• Wear a lot of deodorant—I buy them in twin packs.

Will it go away? 
I hope so. I’ll need that extra money I spend on deodorant for diapers.

Is that a litmus strip on my stomach?
Not unless it changes colors.

What is that?
Linea Nigra, if you care about technical terms.
 
Why does it happen?
An increase in a pigment changing hormone that causes dark skin discolorations. This one just happens to be one line. It marks the equator of my belly.
 
What can I do?
Wear a shirt.
 
Will it go away?
Eventually.

Is that a big, blob of slime?
Yep. Pretty much.
 
What is that?
Extra cells and other goo from my cervix. Or a mucous plug. 
 
Why does it happen?
To protect baby from bacteria and infection.
 
What can I do?

• Poke it with a stick.
• Flush it down the toilet.
• Don’t save it for the baby book.
• Don’t post a photo of it on Facebook.

Will it go away?
Yes.

Fun Fact: In the last trimester your mucous plug can fall out and can grow back—getting one excited about labor, then sad by no labor. The last trimester is full of false hopes and creepy things that regenerate.

I wet my pants. But, I didn’t pee them.
Annoying isn’t it?

What is that?
Extra cells and goo that’s constantly saturating my underpants—which are already uncomfortable enough, because they’re too small as I refuse to wear maternity underwear.

Why does it happen?
The discharge happens from increased hormones and vaginal blood flow. My refusal to buy maternity underpants is just plain stubbornness.

What can I do?
Buy stock in panty liners.

Will it go away?
Mostly.

Is someone is cutting down trees in my yard at midnight.
The truth is there’s no one in my yard. It’s me. Seriously, I’m waking myself up because I snore so loud.
 
What is it?
Snoring.
 
Why does it happen?
Rhinitis of pregnancy causes swollen mucus membranes. Congestion gives air no other way out but through my mouth.
 
What can I do?

• Use saline.
• Buy a humidifier.
• Sleep on my side.
• Buy earplugs for my family and neighbors.

Will it go away? 
It should. Notice I didn’t commit here.

Am I drooling at night?
It happens. I’m not ashamed.

What is it?
Drool.

Why does it happen?
I am a chosen few who has extra saliva when they’re pregnant. I read somewhere that it’s up to 3-4 quarts of extra spit a day. As for why it happens, That’s just one of pregnancy’s greatest mysteries. Maybe to help with hydration.
 
What can I do?
Buy a spittoon.
 
Will it go away? 
Hopefully.

I just coughed. Then peed.
This also happens when I laugh and sneeze. Or wait just a little too long to go to the bathroom, then cough or sneeze.
 
What is it?
Pee. More specifically, it’s from an extremely overworked bladder. Really, an organ can only be pushed so far. Be kind to your bladder, ladies. Be forgiving. Throw it a party. Give it a holiday. It’s doing its best.

Why does it happen?

• I’m drinking an entire ocean’s worth of water every day.
• I have a baby on my bladder.
• My uterus is the size of a cantaloupe

What can I do?

• Wear panty liners.
• Lean forward to get every last drop out.
• Do some Kegels to improve muscle tone (I never do these. it takes a special kind of lazy to not want to move a muscle).

Will it go away?
Yes and no. Sure, I’ll be able to hold it longer after I have the baby. But let’s face it, my pelvic muscles will never be the same.

Don’t believe me? Jump on a trampoline two years after you have your baby.