18 Tweets for Tired Parents Trying to Create Holiday Magic
It's not an easy gig, but at least we can laugh about it.
If you’re an overwhelmed parent running around trying to do all the festive activities with your family all holiday season (probably with a tissue shoved up your nose because you’ve got another cold), these hilarious, all-to-real tweets are the true gifts.
First things first, can all of us parents have a quick moment to take a collective breath? Because if your December has been anything like ours, you are absolutely exhausted. This month has felt like a marathon of mall Santa pics, elaborate Elf on the Shelf displays, drives in search of holiday lights, colds, RSV, the flu, COVID, cookie baking, themed school days, shopping, snowman making, and regret in the form of a gingerbread house. Parents have been stressed out trying to make magic happen for their kids. Good thing a great remedy for holiday stress and overwhelm is laughter, which we just so happen to have packaged up and ready for you.
Hey, on top of all the stress during the busiest month of the year don’t forget to dress up your kid next week for Grinch Day, Reindeer Day, Polar Express Day, Holly Day, and Cheer Day.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 12, 2018
We love and appreciate the teachers and elementary schools of the world, but can we start a fun new tradition of not adding anything extra to our plates during the three weeks between Thanksgiving and winter break when we’re all just going through the motions?
Shout out to all the parents throwing December birthday parties and wishing they had been more practical about family planning.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) December 16, 2019
Guess what else your child is going to be besides a Sagittarius or a Capricorn? Missing out on birthday magic because their birthday and Christmas presents are lumped into one every year because their parents were doing as the rabbits do around Easter, that’s what.
Listen, all I’m saying is there is a reason there are no Hallmark Christmas movies about a married couple with three kids. It’s a very merry shit show around here.
— KenzO (@koshiz) November 27, 2022
She was ready to grab her passport and start a new life somewhere exotic. He called to say he was coming home early, getting pizza on the way, and that he’d do the bedtime routine. Then she said, “Well when you’re done, I have another bedtime routine for you …”
Santa is cool and all but we all know Mrs. Claus has Santa’s stuff all packed and the reindeer ready to go while Santa spends 45 mins pooping right before the sleigh takes off.
— cheesecake & crying (@cheesecakecryin) December 9, 2021
We’d also like to add that all of Santa’s reindeer are female. Stick that in your sack, take credit for everything a team of women has done, and stuff your face with cookies. The jig is up, old man.
Buying gifts for your kids is tough because you want to give them the world…but you also don’t want them to be entitled…but you want to spoil them a little…but you also don’t want to give them “too much”…but you also want them to feel super special…but also grateful…
— Whitney Ballard (@WhitneyBallard_) November 21, 2020
Have yourself a very merry overthinking session at 2 a.m. while trying to budget for each child equally, play back an entire year’s worth of conversations for hints for present ideas for your entire family, see a post where someone left a bowl of candy and snacks out for delivery drivers and wonder if that’s the new norm, question if your kids appreciate everything they’re given or if you’re actually raising them to be ingrates.
Watching Home Alone for the first time in 20 years and the most implausible plot point is that the McCallisters would oversleep until 8am with that many kids in the house.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) November 28, 2019
After being woken up by someone coughing inside of my mouth at 6 a.m. all, “Mommy, I don’t feel very good,” Home Alone sounds like the title to some kind of smut novel where no one touches us, asks for anything, and we get to watch something other than Blippi.
21st century parenting means setting a phone reminder to move the elf because your 9yo still believes that he flies back to the North Pole every night but also fighting with that same 9yo about why he’s not allowed on Tiktok
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) December 2, 2022
Elf on the Shelf was 100% created by a parent who needed another way to bribe their kids besides threatening to cancel Christmas. And now we’re all paying for it.
The same people who put reindeer antlers and a red nose on their minivan will really be the same people who cut you off in the school dropoff line.
— Mom.Whine.Repeat (@MomWhineRepeat) November 30, 2022
It’s completely acceptable if you’re honking your horn to the tune of Jingle Bells at a mom who cut you off just to get out and take 10 minutes holding up the line to do morning affirmations with her kids, give them each 15 kisses on each cheek, and film a TikTok before getting the hell out of the way.
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the mom who was rage-wrapping, meal-prepping, stocking stuffing, chain-baking, and stress-cleaning.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) December 21, 2018
Christmas magic sure looks a lot like this one tired Grinch who’s chugging coffee at 11 p.m., wiping underboob sweat with wrapping paper, and muttering “How did I get here?” while sprinkling powdered sugar around a pair of shoes next to the fireplace because this is modern parenting.
I opened the first door on my Advent calendar for moms, and a tiny pile of dirty laundry fell out.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 1, 2015
Spoiler alert: The rest of the doors just have different painkillers, antacids, and analgesic creams for sore muscles because you sprained your coccyx from sitting on the floor to wrap presents.
Moms during December: There’s so much to do, literally nothing else can fit on my plate rn, help
*School email announcing the 12 days of Christmas fun dress-up day schedule* F U C K
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🖤 (@MacgyveringM22) December 3, 2021
Santa isn’t the only one who’s been keeping an eye on you, so has the PTA. And these themed days are punishment for not volunteering enough. For shame!
Keeping the magic in Christmas by yelling “Don’t open that!” every time an Amazon box is delivered.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 9, 2020
“You see, kids, sometimes Santa’s workshop gets a little backed up and they need help from another factory owned by a creature called a Jeff Bezos.”
Drove our kids around town to look at Christmas lights but they brought an iPad so they could watch a different kid drive around his town looking at lights.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 14, 2020
There is nothing more maddening than trying to make memories with our kids just to watch them watching someone else making memories on YouTube.
*takes picture of son putting ornament on the tree*
Okay, now give that back to mommy and don't touch another one, okay?
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) December 5, 2016
Don’t even act like you’ve never done it.
7: Mommy, if there are elves that wrap the presents, and that's their ONLY job, why aren't they better at it? Our elves are so bad at wrapping!
Me: *mumbling* Maybe they're tired from all the other bullsh-
Husband: BECAUSE THEIR HANDS ARE SO SMALL! MAKES IT HARDER!
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 15, 2020
Those are big words coming from someone who JUST LEARNED HOW TO SPELL. I still have the receipt for Christmas and I will return it. I will RETURN Christmas! Try me.
5-year-old: I want a little brother.
Me: Not going to happen.
5: Maybe I'll ask Santa.
Me: He better stay away from your mom.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 8, 2020
All we want for Christmas is for this to be the plot for a new Hallmark movie. 10/10 would watch.
I like to make memories with my children by doing seasonal crafts with them. They'll be memories of me screaming at them, but memories nonetheless.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) December 15, 2018
Try the fun new Christmas tradition of skipping the family gingerbread house contest and saving yourself from a festive migraine and an emergency trip to the dentist after breaking your teeth on the stale cookie roof.
As a grown-up I’ve learned that all the “Christmas magic” I felt as a kid was really a mom who loved me so damn much.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) December 17, 2019
We’re leaving you with this very true tweet. Because even though we’re all bone-tired and holidayed out, we put ourselves through all of this madness—and will continue to do it in the years ahead—for the joy of seeing the smiles on our kids’ faces as they soak up that indescribable thing in the air on Christmas morning. It’s tough work, but it’s always worth it.
We know you’re tired from all of the magic-making you’ve been doing this holiday season, parents. We hope you’re able to find some time to put your feet up for a second and mentally pat yourself on the back for all of the wonderful things you’ve done behind the scenes to make everyone around you feel special and festive. Also, we hope your family got you something besides a robe, like new pans because that’s what gets us jazzed as grown-ups. Merry Everything, all!