There is not much new going on in babyland this week, other than my realization that “GOSH DANG, this baby is due NEXT MONTH!”
Up until August, Jacob’s due date seemed like some abstract, theoretical date in time that would never really come—like how it feels in the weeks leading up to Christmas when you’re a kid. But this week it has dawned on me that the date is indeed almost here, and that I am about halfway through my third trimester(!).
In my ruminations about the last three months, I have realized how distinct each of the three trimesters are from each other. So in honor of the third trimester (and Jeff Foxworthy,) I came up with a little breakdown called “You know you’re in your third trimester when”:
1. You have found an entirely new function for your boobs: crumb catchers extraordinaire!
2. Your stomach has become your second line of crumb-defense.
3. Sometimes you eat the crumbs.
4. You drive to the mailbox instead of walking. You’re not ashamed.
5. (Note to family members: cover your eyes!) Your idea of having a good time in bed is actually sleeping.
6. The inside of your bellybutton shrinks daily until it turns itself inside out.
7. Driving around for five minutes to get ONE parking spot closer to the grocery store seems completely logical.
8. Sitting on the floor (or anything too soft) is a no-no, unless someone can help retrieve you from your position.
8. Your first thought when you wake up in the morning is, “When can I take a nap?”
9. Turning over in bed involves a thirty-second mental pep talk … and a lot of grunting. (Of late, the theme song that plays over in my head while I attempt to turn over is 98 Degrees’s, “The hardest thing I’ll ever have to do.” )
9. You eat one third of your meal and you feel stuffed for the next seven hours.
10. You get heartburn from everything—even Tums.
11. To avoid breaking out in a heat rash, you carry a fan with you from room to room—including to your 47 daily bathroom trips.
12. Strangers use the words “pop” and “explode” when referencing your belly on a daily basis.
13. Your countdown to your due date is in days instead of weeks.
14. You try to make your husband watch Lamaze DVDs on a regular basis. You end up watching Swamp People instead.
15. You have the urge to cry whenever you see anything baby-related. You give in. Every time.
Those are just a few of my favorites. Feel free to add your own in the comment section below!