Week 37: My third trimester guide to picking things up  

By Published On: November 14th, 2014

It’s approximately 92,960,000 miles from Earth to the sun. That’s […]

37It’s approximately 92,960,000 miles from Earth to the sun. That’s about four miles less than the distance between you and anything you drop on the floor during the final weeks of pregnancy.
When it comes to picking stuff up off the floor, pregnancy forces you to be creative at the end of your final trimester. By “creative,” I mean a lot of “let’s cut our losses and move on with life” and leaving the responsibility to anyone else in the house who cares—which means the chances of it still being there six weeks postpartum are pretty good.
Here are a few steps I find myself going through each time I have to pick something up:
Determine what fell.
Perhaps it’s just something I dropped. Or, most likely, it’s something that fell victim to my belly and was knocked off the counter.
Assess the situation.
Where is this item? Right by my feet? A few inches away? Or was my belly able to launch it clear across the room?
Decide if it’s worth picking up.
I always ask myself this question, “Do I really need to pick this up?” Is it a matchbox car or a spilled bowl of salsa? Perhaps a child? If so, is there blood? If not, reassess.
Consider alternative ways to pick up the object.
Matchbox Car: Kick until it rolls out of site.
Salsa: Leave it until dinner, and set a bowl of chips next to it.
Child: Try to lift with foot, and toss up in the air in an attempt to catch him—like a soccer ball.
Ask important questions:

  • Is this item worth falling over? I have no balance left, so this is important.
  • Do cats like to eat salsa? If not, do any of them have long enough fur to use as a makeshift Swiffer?
  • Can the child pretend to be a kitty? If so, he’s not hurt that bad and can get up on his own; otherwise, stay on the floor.

Seek help.
Most of the time, I have a toddler around who is more than happy to help me pick random objects up off the floor. Unless, of course, the said item is that child—then it’s pointless.
Accept that it is what it is.
Most times I just stop and stare at whatever fell.
At the end of the day, it is what it is. There are only so many creative ways one can maneuver a third-trimester belly in an effort to get near the floor.