Week 36: Am I leaking?

I cannot believe June 2016 has finally arrived. It feels like yesterday I had a full-blown meltdown over realizing I was having a baby come summertime. The hot heat of Atlanta makes me happy to know this process will come to a close sooner rather than later, and it has further encouraged the belief in an early arrival! Everyone amuse me and affirm she will not be a fourth trimester baby!
Because I am convinced she is headed south, I brace myself for the floodgates every time I stand up and think (with GREAT anticipation), “Am I leaking?!” I kid you not, I am the water-breaking police, and I think about my water breaking 24/7. It doesn’t matter if I am at work, the gym or in bed getting up at 2 a.m. to use the bathroom (again); I always wonder if I will feel water. I’m not worried about where it will happen—nor do I care if it causes a scene. I just care that it could happen at any moment. Although I am still four weeks away, a switch went off as soon as my “due month” started, and I can’t seem to keep myself busy enough to not wonder if today is the day.
Aside from checking for leakage, I have adopted a few other habits not previously practiced …
The first thing I do when I wake up now is stand in front of the mirror and look at my stomach from all angels. I admire it and try to take a visual note of what it feels like to be pregnant with baby No. 1. Maybe this is because my belly is so pronounced at this stage, and I can see where it’s an actual baby bundled up inside. I have been terrible about taking pictures, and to be honest have avoided the mirror during certain months of growth. But now I embrace this watermelon hanging from me in all it’s glory and take pictures of it. Here I am! Take it all in. All of a sudden I have a fascination with my pregnant body, and I wonder if it took me this long to appreciate the physical components of being pregnant. I also have this very strange desire to use my breast pump even though there is no milk in these bad boys. As a first time mom, I just want to know what I am getting myself into. I know this is very weird, and obviously not advised for possibility of stimulating labor (or does that make it a very good idea … just kidding!), but I want to turn it on, hook it up and see what happens. The curiosity is killing me!
I have also started to savor the conversations I have with others about being pregnant. I once found them redundant and somewhat annoying, but lately I appreciate every word. I realize as soon as she is here, she will be the topic of conversation, and she will be her own person as opposed to an extension of my body. I am almost afraid to say this out of possibly jinxing myself, but I think I might be one of those people who will miss being pregnant. I wonder if I will long to feel the kicks and watch my stomach contort all sorts of ways. I wonder if I will feel a tad empty at times even though I will have her with me. I
don’t think I will miss the restless nights and the weird sleeping positions, but at the same time I am not mad about it these days. I have developed a somewhat joyful tolerance for being pregnant, and I don’t really remember how to not have a little baby inside taking over my body. I can’t say for sure how I will feel post-delivery, but as the end of my pregnancy nears, I feel an odd sense of wanting to hold onto it.
As I sit here writing this while experiencing some pretty mean Braxton Hicks, I give thanks for having a great first experience that leaves me wanting more as opposed to never wanting to get pregnant again. I still stand by my comment of maybe moving right into baby No. 2 … we will see how the L&D go! For now, I am still waiting for the water gates to open. Come on out, baby!