Somehow the weeks keep passing by, and I often have to look on my pregnancy tracker app to remember exactly how far along I am. This is my third pregnancy, and I still find myself surprised by how pregnant I am when I see my reflection in the mirror. I realize this is partly because I am one of the lucky ones who has pretty easy and uneventful pregnancies. I am just now starting to feel mildly uncomfortable by the constant movements pressing into my bladder and the skin stretching sensation that makes me feel like a balloon that’s been blown up past its optimal elasticity. I realize most women in their third trimester are counting down the days until the end, but I find myself wishing I could be pregnant for far longer than I will be. Since we are planning on this being our last child I just need a little more time.
My intention from the beginning has been to really slow down and enjoy this pregnancy. I actually really like being pregnant, and I wanted to celebrate each part of it with the sincerity necessary to accept this being my last time experiencing it. However, the reality is that I have a 1-year-old and a 4-year-old, and I run my own business. Each of these things demands attention that distracts me from my experience of pregnancy. There have been days where I would start worrying that I hadn’t felt the baby move all day long. I would start to get really anxious until I took ten minutes to just pay attention to movement. I would realize soon enough that the baby had been moving all along, but I had just not been noticing it.
Another reason I find myself fighting against time is that my youngest daughter still seems so small. Winnie will be just about 2 when the baby comes. My due date is right before Winnie’s birthday, and I’m just hoping they don’t have to share a birthday. Winnie is an independent little thing, but she still seems like a baby to me. I really liked the three year spacing between my first and my second, and I’m a little nervous about handling a newborn with another one at home who still needs me to physically do so much for her.
I know I can’t slow down time, and I know this last part is going to go by just as quickly as the rest of this pregnancy has gone by. But, I also know that as soon as I meet this baby, I will somehow be ready and the timing will feel just right.