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Week 32: The courage to celebrate

I have mentioned before that getting excited about this pregnancy is very difficult due to the loss of my last pregnancy.  Every day that we move closer to the date of delivery I actually get more scared than excited. I fear that something will go wrong.  That baby No.2 won’t be okay.  But then after...

I have mentioned before that getting excited about this pregnancy is very difficult due to the loss of my last pregnancy.  Every day that we move closer to the date of delivery I actually get more scared than excited. I fear that something will go wrong.  That baby No.2 won’t be okay.  But then after a worry session or a good cry I take a deep breath and try to find the courage to celebrate this pregnancy even though doing so just feels like a risk.

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You see, if I get excited, plan for, celebrate, and connect with baby through making memories and reveling in the joy that is pregnancy I then start to think about what I could lose.  I could lose her again and it’s the most terrifying idea to hold.  But, Nick and I, along with family and friends, have been pushing back on this idea the whole 8 months so far and this past few weeks we have been taking a leap of faith and celebrating baby in full force.
Since I didn’t want or need to have another baby shower but I did want to do something to honor this pregnancy and set good intentions with my friends about the outcome of baby No. 2’s birth, my sister decided to organize a blessing way for me and baby No. 2. This past Sunday my other loss mom friends and just friends from my life journey so far, gathered to shower this baby and me with blessings and good thoughts at a mother’s blessing or blessing way.  If you aren’t familiar with a blessing way or mother’s blessing it is an old Navajo tradition where a ceremony is held to celebrate a women’s rite of passage into motherhood.  My blessing way was setting intention for passage into a different kind of motherhood this time, one where I get to raise my child.

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It was a beautiful get-together with friends sharing their wishes and prayers for me and baby Zoe, henna and belly painting, honoring my past losses as a mother, while celebrating me carrying and bringing new life into the world.  It was a very healing experience.  And I have to admit, every time that I take a courageous step towards celebrating pregnancy again after loss I feel as if I do become a little more healed from my the pain of the last pregnancy.

Belly-Painting

There is a great book out there by my friend and fellow loss mom Francescha Cox called Celebrating Pregnancy Again which I have relied on as a guide of ideas to really dig deep into learning how to love a pregnancy after loss and heal through it.  I have used some of the ways to celebrate and remember that she mentions in the book and others I have came up with on my own, but everything we have done this far and have planned to do in taking steps to be courageous enough to have hope and celebrate this pregnancy, have made the experience of becoming a mom again all the more special.  Here is a list of ideas that Nick and I, along with family and friends have done to take the courageous steps to celebrate pregnancy again after loss:
Maternity Pics:  Nick and I did this two weeks ago and it was really fun to capture our love for baby No. 2 and each other.
The Gender Reveal Party:  This was a fun way to initially bond with baby as we learned a little more about baby and who she would be.
Name Reveal:  This was another great way to celebrate pregnancy milestones and share details of baby with friends and family along with beginning to bond with her by having a name to call her.
Decorating The Nursery:  We are still working on this one but each week I plan for and buy something new to change the nursery around and create a space for baby within our home.
Having a Baby Shower or Blessing Way: The experience of a blessing way was so healing for me words cannot explain how gathering together women of strength to set hopeful and loving intentions for me and baby was so empowering.
Belly Painting: I really liked this idea and enjoyed how beautiful my belly looked all round and painted with life growing inside.
What are some of your ideas?  How do you celebrate your pregnancy?