This past month was one for the books. Between my […]
This past month was one for the books. Between my birthday, Mother’s Day and Jesse’s birthday, Jesse and I managed to carve out some time for ourselves, too. A couple of weekends ago, we got a babysitter for Anaïs, so that he and I could I hit the town just the two of us.
We had gotten tickets to the Shaky Knees Music Festival. It happens every year, but neither of us had ever been before. This year, we decided to go and were able to see and listen to bands we love. We walked around town and rode the train; we took advantage of the few fleeting hours we had to ourselves to enjoy our city and even got to go to an art gallery for a screening event of several dance videos (including one that Jesse did!). Now that the month is coming to an end, we are that much closer to having our baby and entering the dreaded summer months when Atlanta is called “Hotlanta” for a reason.
Remember how at the very beginning of this pregnancy I was totally enjoying getting dressed with my fabulous new bump as my accessory? Well, as time has taken its course, my belly has only gotten larger, and I’m finding myself torn about how to feel. Let me be the first to say that getting dressed now is becoming a challenge. On one hand, it’s great, right? The baby is growing and is healthy because of what I’m doing. On the other hand, it’s hard not to feel like my body is no longer my own (because, let’s be real here—it isn’t entirely my own at the moment) and to see real, physical changes can be a little jarring.
There’s also the emotional aspect of it: fearing being unattractive and/or undesirable to my husband, feeling larger than I actually am, nervous I won’t bounce back to my pre-pregnancy physique, et cetera. While all of these aren’t really rooted in anything concrete, they are real worries that I have because of the expectations I place on myself. But what am I so worried about? I’ve done this before and I did bounce back. I have to cut myself some slack; I know this. I’ve created and am carrying life. That, in and of itself, is an honor and a privilege.
When I voiced this to Jesse, he was nothing but incredibly reassuring to me, which is the best thing to feel. Sometimes, a pregnant (and sore, achy, tired and cranky) mama needs to hear those things from her person, you know? Reaching out to my close girlfriends (who have and haven’t had children) and venting about this helped me gain perspective, too. Most days, I feel great, but somehow the other night, I just felt low and felt ridiculous as I allowed myself to have a good cry.
So how did I turn it around? Well, I saw this as an opportunity for some retail therapy. Who knew maternity shopping could be so fun? I stocked up on basics that would take me until the end of my pregnancy and hopefully beyond. And I may or may not have indulged in a few pieces, just because. After all, these are my last months! I might as well look cute during the dog days of summer!