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Week 26: Modesty milestones

Pregnancy is full of milestones charting the progress of a growing baby. There is the “fruit of the week” milestone to show the baby’s size, three trimester milestones every couple of months and new symptoms to go with each one (many of which we are glad to move on from). These milestones are celebrated and...

Pregnancy is full of milestones charting the progress of a growing baby. There is the “fruit of the week” milestone to show the baby’s size, three trimester milestones every couple of months and new symptoms to go with each one (many of which we are glad to move on from). These milestones are celebrated and often welcomed in anticipation of a blossoming pregnancy. Other milestones do not get the same recognition and are not discussed. Per usual, I am here to discuss the inappropriate and let you all in on a few milestones I have come across this week—they are oh so fun!
Untitled2Lets talk basic hygiene for a minute. I truly took for granted the ease and ability to care for myself before I started growing this shelf of a belly. The other day I jumped in the shower and figured I would just do the whole deal while I had time. Girls know what the whole deal implies and why it takes up minutes on the clock. We may have our own routines and added extras during shower time, but for the most part, we all speak the language of shower and shave. I had noticed earlier in the day it was a tad difficult to buckle the strap on a pair of heels and pull myself off the floor. I’ve been having some back pain, too, so I associated it more with a back issue rather than the ability to reach problem.
Toward the end of my shower I grabbed the razor and started shaving my legs. All is well until I decide to really do the whole deal and go beyond just my legs. I hope I am making myself clear here! As a regular waxing client during the warmer months, I had not yet broken out of the basic maintenance from winter. It quickly hits me that I cannot see it. I cannot for the life of me peer beyond my stomach to even check out what is happening down there—much less take a blade to it!
After many failed positions (left leg up, right leg to the side, sitting down, ballet pose, etc.) I try to move my belly out of the way enough to at least get the bikini line. You would have thought I was waking her up from the best sleep of her little life. She retaliated by kicking and punching me the entire time I tried to just situate my situation. I kept saying, “This is my body, too! Someone has to pull you out of this one day in the near future, so get used to it!” She would not relent. She did not care. I did my best, got out of the shower, and my first reaction is to text my sister, of course.
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She is right. Pregnancy does NOT equal modesty. In fact, you start to lose control over many bodily functions once easily regulated. I can’t be modest about it all; it’s just too hilarious to not talk about these things.
Like the fact that I can’t really cross my legs that well anymore. I have better luck crossing them than sitting properly with my legs together. It takes legitimate leg muscle to mind the gap action happening these days. The untamed Netherlands I mentioned before are going to get too much exposure if I don’t watch out. Someone help me! I can only imagine what month nine looks like—probably not my most ladylike state. My game plan is to just make a waxing appointment next time. This was too much work, and probably a little dangerous. 

Shout out to the ladies who laugh at these inconveniences and tell everyone they know. We shouldn’t be the only ones who get a kick out of these modesty milestones. I’m also very lucky my husband has a great sense of humor and is equally as silly as I am (as demonstrated in his face/pose from that picture up top that someone snapped of us this evening). Thankfully this isn’t something we have to laugh about one day in the future—we are laughing now! I truly would never want to do this with anyone else and welcome anything waiting for us during the remainder of this pregnancy, modest or not.

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