Week 26: Excuse me

There’s nothing like pregnancy to give you ample opportunity to use the phrase, “Excuse me.” I’ve found myself using it a lot recently, and for quite a few reasons. Brace yourselves, dear readers. Here comes another Michelle Phillips Pregnancy List!
Reason #1 to use the phrase “excuse me” during pregnancy: Your general size and body shape
Obviously, pregnancy changes a few things. (Veteran parents know that more obviously, it changes everything.) One of the things it changes is your body. Growing a child inside you means your stomach, hips and—if you’re lucky (read not lucky)—even a few other body parts. (Have I mentioned my thighs?) For me, that delightful addition of size, added to my changing center of gravity, means I often find myself running into things. In my normal, non-pregnant life (and as a lifelong dancer), I’m fairly graceful. During pregnancy? Not so much. My body’s favorite things to run into are: our kitchen island, my students’ chairs (especially the ones that aren’t pushed in) and the footboard of our bed … in that order. And even though I don’t need to excuse myself to inanimate objects, I often end up doing it anyway. I mean, it’s just polite.
Reason #2: When nature calls
I am approaching the end of my second trimester. During the first, my rapidly changing hormones meant I was often excusing myself to use the restroom. That urge lets up a bit during the second trimester, before roaring back to life when the third arrives and your baby is big enough to both kick you in the ribs and headbutt your bladder simultaneously. I’m not quite to that point yet, but I’m pretty sure Baby P moved in such a way that he or she is hanging out close enough to my bladder that I can get a quick elbow when the mood strikes. Add to that the fact that those of us who’ve given birth before sometimes have a difficult time “holding it” (especially when sneezing), and you have a recipe for excusing yourself to use the restroom at least 14 times per day. And a few times during the night.
Reason #3: Bodily functions
Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m a girly girl. My favorite color is pink, I own at least 6 pairs of shoes that have sparkles, and I always have lip gloss. I am also typically a very proper, polite person. I put my napkin in my lap and always thank people who hold the door. As a non-pregnant person, I very rarely pass gas in any way, shape or form. However, as a pregnant person, let’s just say that is not so much the case. I remember early in my first pregnancy, my husband and I were lying on the couch one night watching a movie. I let out an incredibly loud and large burp, and he smiled a huge smile. “I love that now that you’re pregnant, you are more like a normal person.” Lucky him—I’m pregnant again and totally, ahem, normal again.
So allow me to excuse myself now and cover all my bases. Plus, I really have to go to the bathroom.