Pregnancy Brain. Maybe it’s the impending lack of sleep and whole human life you’re about to be responsible for that’s distracting you. Maybe it’s hormones. Whatever it is, it’s your first actual taste of what it might be like […]
Maybe it’s the impending lack of sleep and whole human life you’re about to be responsible for that’s distracting you. Maybe it’s hormones. Whatever it is, it’s your first actual taste of what it might be like to be senile. Watch for the following symptoms:
- Frantically searching around the room for your phone, while talking on your phone.
- Putting the milk in the cupboard or pantry.
- The inability to remember what you were talking about while you are talking about it.
- Not knowing why you went from this room to that room, let alone what you were supposed to do in there.
- Never knowing what the date is.
Q: When you look at your baby’s eyes, does all the pain and suffering just melt away like in the movies?
A: No. The first time I looked in my baby’s eyes, I was kind of terrified. Both times. Also, there’s no time. You only get to hold your baby the very first time for a few seconds before he’s whisked away to be checked out from fontanelles to feetsies. Meanwhile, you still have a placenta to deliver while you lie there and twiddle your thumbs and wait for a nurse to quit manually pumping your stomach like a piston.
But yes, it’s true that your labor and delivery experience gets fogged. Starting immediately after birth and increasing in fog density levels throughout the hours and into the days to follow. Watch for the following symptoms:
- Remembering contractions hurt, but not really remembering how bad. Just “that it really hurt.”
- Remembering delivery as something you could easily do again. Piece O’ Cake.
- Forgetting your newborn’s name for the first two weeks (maybe that was just me).
- A euphoric blur that causes you to say: “I want another baby!”
- Telling people it wasn’t so bad.
This comes a few months after you have your baby. It never goes away. Ever. Watch for the following symptoms:
- Forgetting to go to the bathroom.
- Having no idea what you need at the grocery store without a list.
- Not remembering to make a grocery list.
- Forgetting your phone number while you’re in the middle of rattling off the sequence.
- Forgetting how old you are.