Week 23: Just the two of us

You know the saying, “that’s a good problem to have?” I have one of those. This week I realized (again) how blessed I am to be bringing a baby into my world with the person I love the most. Although I daydream all day about being a party of three, I can’t deny I’m fondest of the person this all began with. Having questioned at one point whether or not I wanted to have biological children, my affection for Matt is ultimately what changed my mind. In my thoughts I would fantasize about creating something with him out of sheer love for him! Maybe that’s a weird way to arrive at the conversation of starting a family one day, (in the distant future, we thought) but he was ultimately my inspiration.
A co-worker asked me if I was afraid of being pregnant/giving birth and becoming a mom. In all honestly, I’m not afraid of becoming a mother. I’m not afraid of not being a great parent. I only have apprehension: how she will change the dynamic of our marriage. I said, “I love being married. For me, it’s the best thing I have ever experienced, and I am only afraid of how I will handle it not being ‘the two of us.’” It’s impossible to prepare for a baby until there is a baby and that baby is testing your limitations. I am so excited to walk through this, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit I am nervous and a tad jealous of sharing my time with Matt.
It’s important to me we figure out a new rhythm when she is here to elevate our relationship and continue putting one another first. I know I have no idea what I am walking into, but I believe she will always benefit from our marriage being full and solid. The reality is there will be a time of struggle with this goal. When you’re saving as much money as possible, it limits the amount of trips, dates, etc. to enjoy pre-baby, and post baby is some alternate universe I hear you simply try to survive in. I know couples go through this and arrive at a place of balance, and I can only pray we do the same as quickly as possible!
I hope I am not the only soon-to-be mom who is happily awaiting the arrival of her baby while also mourning the coming end of her relationship as she knows it. I am truly so happy, yet sad all at the same time. All I know is our baby is an amazing gift. I know she will add exponentially more than we sacrifice, and she will be our joy and our delight. I know we can figure out how to navigate this new season of life and spread the love around. It’s a good problem to love your spouse and find contentment in marriage. It’s a good problem to experience apprehension of the greatness to come because what you currently have is also great. It’s a good thing to grow your family and continue dating your husband. It’s just good, all around.
In the meantime, I am going to set these fears aside and soak up as much of this time as possible. In fact, I am headed out for date night! Shout out to my husband, Matt. I am happiest with you and can’t imagine an even greater outpour of love, but I know great things are coming. It’s a great “problem” to have, and I have loved life just the two of us.