Water (re)birth
Some lucky moms pop out a baby and are back […]
Some lucky moms pop out a baby and are back in a bikini within a matter of weeks. For the rest of us (dare we say, the majority of us), the process of getting pool-ready is a little more involved …
Realize swimsuit season is just around the corner. Begin panicking. Eat a plate of cookies to calm your nerves.- Resign yourself to the fact that you’ll be showcasing some of your less-than-perfect assets in very little time. Start exercising daily(ish), eating salads and building up the courage to go to the mall.
- Go to the mall. Listen to baby wail from the stroller while desperately trying to shimmy into a tasteful black one-piece without pulling a muscle.
- Decide swimwear is overrated. Buy a cute, forgiving cover-up at Target, and call it a day.
- Receive a reminder about family’s annual get-together at the lake next month. Reconsider earlier decision. Pour a glass of wine, and order five suits online with the intention of returning at least four.
- Collect swimsuits from delivery man. Pour a glass of wine. Commence try-on session.
- Turn sideways, suck in stomach, and bemoan the baby weight still sitting on your hips. Settle on the suit that’s least offensive (and, incidentally, most comfortable).
- Wear suit to family gathering. Also wear Target cover-up. Swear to hubby that you will not be taking the cover-up off, no matter what, because has he seen your thighs?
- Keep cover-up on until you’re so hot fear of spontaneous combustion creeps in. Fantasize about how nice it would be to dip in the water.
- Throw off your cover-up, and own your thighs. Lavish in the water, splash with baby, and have pretty much the best day ever.
