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Ticking time bomb (dot com)

Written by: Rachel Reiff Ellis April 30 2012 So now we wait. Thirty-nine weeks today and holding strong. Or holding something, I'm not sure what. Amazingly, I still don't feel irritated or impatient to be unpregnant, despite my many grunts and groans, for which Iam eternally grateful. (Though that may just be one 90-degree Southern...

Written by: Rachel Reiff Ellis

So now we wait. Thirty-nine weeks today and holding strong. Or holding something, I'm not sure what. Amazingly, I still don't feel irritated or impatient to be unpregnant, despite my many grunts and groans, for which Iam eternally grateful. (Though that may just be one 90-degree Southern spring day away. Sorry to be causing all this heat, fellow Georgians. I killed the plants with a frost last week after Iput all my long-sleeved maternity clothes into storage, and now my extreme pregnantness is causing the temperatures to soar into Holy Hot Moly territory. My bad!)


The South:It's like being on the sun, but with more humidity.

Ido remember though that this is the time of pregnancy otherwise known as “scrutinizing every little sensation in your body every second always all the time.” Most of the time it's just gas. But it could be labor! Wait, no, what was that? I'm really pretty sure this time it's labor! Oh. … Nope. Definitely gas. (Etc.) The worst is waiting for sleep to come at night and freaking myself out while I lay there, thinking, “I bet right this very minute, the last fiber of my bag of waters is stretched to its very thinnest and is abouuuuuut tooooooo … POP!!!” and then I scream a little bit and wake Luke up and apologize for the hundredth time for provoking Labor Wig Out. I don't think I would have this problem if Noah's labor hadn't begun exactly this way. Iwas literally sitting in bed reading a book when my water broke with a GOOSH all of a sudden out of nowhere.So, it happens. Bags of water popping while you're just lying there doing nothing in bed happens! Still:freaking out about it is not helpful. I guess.


STANDDOWN. FALSEALARM. IREPEAT. FALSEALARM.

Iwas trying to think of a way to describe Braxton Hicks contractions to Luke the other day, and the way Ifigure it, you can sort of get the gist if you imagine flexing your bicep really hard. It's like that, only in your stomach. And you are not in control of the flexing. And also sometimes there is kicking involved on the other side. So maybe that's not so helpful, but that is how hard your stomach feels during one. (I also tried to describe feet pushing on the underside of your ab muscles, but Igot as far as, “It's like if you closed your mouth and then pushed with your tongue against your cheek really hard, except you can't stop it when it hurts and also tongues are not as hard as feet …” before deciding to just forget it.) But real labor is different. It's kind of just like pain. On the inside. And there's a lot of it. And when will it start? No one knooooooooows.

This really is the hard work of the last weeks of pregnancy—the uncertainty of how and when it will end. Well, that and the ungodly amount of belly you have to hoist around everywhere. You can drive yourself crazy over it, or you can decide that you will just deal with it when it comes. And also be awesome. And maybe roar a little while you're laboring, just because you can. Also, “Eye of the Tiger” will somehow be playing in the background. YES. I like it.

Or you can decide not to think about it and go have ice cream. Whichever.