The first trip around the sun

By Published On: August 11th, 2016

In just a few days, my baby will no longer […]

In just a few days, my baby will no longer be a baby. He will have completed his first trip around the sun, and we will be celebrating with friends and family alike. And to be honest, it’s breaking my heart a little.
IMG_7003When I found out I was pregnant with a boy, I was nervous. I had no experience raising a baby boy. There was a lot to learn, and I was already comfortable with a girl. This would be like starting all over. But you know what? Despite that fact, the second he arrived all of my initial fears and worries faded. Instinct kicked in, and suddenly having a baby boy wasn’t as daunting. It was like second nature—inconsistent feeding and sleep schedules, mountains of diapers, tiny bodysuits and receiving blankets, the never-ending laundry! It was a welcome reminder of all that newborn magic. The “boy” aspect of it was completely null and void.
As his first birthday approaches, I can’t help but feel nostalgic. I find myself daydreaming of the early days and how trying they sometimes were. Akira was colicky, and there were moments when all I could do was cry alongside him. We were bleary-eyed and exhausted as we tried to maneuver our new normal as a family of four. There were some days we felt invincible, and we high-fived each other over our small but monumental accomplishments. And there were some really hard days when we were both so sleep-deprived and completely out of solutions that we snapped at each other and inevitably hurt each other’s feelings. This year has gone by much faster than I thought it would. It has passed more quickly than I think I was prepared for. And when I look at Akira and watch as he grows, I want to hold him tight and keep him small forever.
These moments are so fleeting. Although this is my second time around with a first birthday and an entire lifetime of firsts to encounter, that feeling of absolute wonderment doesn’t ever get old. A year with the newest member of our family taught us so much, and I feel like it changed my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my daughter and my relationship with myself. People say, “Everything changes when you have a baby.” They’re right. But you just never know how much it evolves for the better until you’re in it.
With one year down and the rest of his life to go, Akira is a ray of light in our lives that we are so incredibly humbled to have. He has taught us patience and compassion, humor and importance. But the biggest thing he’s taught us is that the heart is capable of loving so hard. It is bigger than we could have ever imagined, and our love was multiplied over and over with his arrival. He brings so much joy into our lives and has shown us parts of ourselves that we never knew existed. It is an honor and a privilege to be his mom. And I cannot wait to see what the future holds for him.