Where, oh where has my sleeping kid gone

I can hear you. My Super Mom Hearing not only allows me to hear my baby crying from a completely different time zone, it also allows me to hear your giggling. I can hear you all, all you moms quietly giggling at my naive first-time-mom assumptions. That’s why this is the blog that I have avoided writing. I have avoided it because I kept thinking that it would change. I had hoped that I could blog about how we went through it and came out better, wiser, saner parents. But, we are still going through it, and we are coming out cranky, sleepy, and confused parents. Where once there was some sleeping—there is none more. How can we get The Kid to sleep through the night? (Yes, I can hear you giggling.)

Around three months everything changed. The Red-Faced Screaming Tomato baby stopped screaming every night. Whimpering and whining took the place of wailing, and my husband and I breathed a sigh of relief and put our gas credit cards away—no more nighttime driving to quiet him down. But even with all that wailing The Kid still slept through the night. Let me rephrase: HE SLEPT THOUGH THE NIGHT. We could have invited the entire cast of A Chorus Line into our bedroom to perform the opening number, and he wouldn’t have stirred. (I probably would’ve joined in, too. I keep my gold hat in the closet.) I was spoiled. I thought once the screaming was done he would then easily sleep 10-12 hours a night. (Yes, I can hear you giggling.)
For the past two months, no matter where Little E is sleeping he wakes up screaming. Sometimes, every two hours. Sometimes, every 45 minutes. We take care of the hungry, and we are still left with a sad, screaming baby.
Is he gassy?
Is he starving??
Is he having nightmares about Harrison Ford becoming too old to realistically play Han Solo again???
What happened?!
And here’s where I wanted to wrap up my lovely little story with a nice resolved ending. Thing is, though…it’s not resolved. Not even close. My little one is still crying, and I am still up consoling. But, before I go imposing any sleep method on him that will make us both “cry it out” all night long, I need to make sure he’s okay. That is going take a little trial and error and some more Googling. (Alright, maybe a little less-scary Googling at 3:30 am.)
Maybe it is all a phase, and he will grow out of it soon. Maybe he really isn’t feeling well. Maybe, just maybe Harrison Ford is too old to play a scruffy-looking nerf herder again. Or, maybe the next time I sit down to blog I will have a nice little ending to an anxious, overtired story.
Maybe then I will get to sleep through the night.
(I can still hear you giggling.)
Okay, maybe then I will get some sleep.