Mama swag

It’s eleven months into your new life as a mama, and things are going well. You’re past the point of just surviving and now have a little swag to your mama step. “I’ve totally got this,” you think.

Then mid-thought, you realize that your child has just eaten a bug.

Or, maybe he snorted it.

You may never know.

All you’re sure of now is that there is a slobbery beetle carcass lying in your hand, and it just exited from one of the openings in your child’s face.

After ensuring that his mouth (and hands and all other body parts) are de-bugged, you think: “That wasn’t so bad. I mean every little boy has got to eat—or snort—a bug SOMETIME in his life, right?” You tell yourself that your mama swag is still intact.

A little while later, as your little one is eating his mid-morning snack, a piece of food flies out of his mouth and lands on your jeans. Without missing a beat, you scrape it off and place it directly into your mouth. Only then do you realize what you’ve done. You fear your mama style is seriously suffering. “At least no one saw it,” you think. “If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it …”

Figuring you better put your little one down while you’re still (sort of) ahead, you lay him down to nurse. You realize his nose is running but the tissue box is out of reach. Naturally, you grab your shirt, hold it close to his nose and tell him to blow. He does. Three times. It’s during that last blow that it dawns on you: You’ve officially lost your mama swag.

Note: These scenarios are purely hypothetical, of course. My swag is in full swing. Ahem.