Finding himself

By Published On: February 9th, 2015

It’s been an interesting week in the O’Sullivan household as […]

It’s been an interesting week in the O’Sullivan household as Ben began to interact with both his surroundings and us more. If you read last week’s blog you’ll know the extremes I had to endure just for a little smile, which it was worth it. He grins at me and my partner all the time now, and after a long day, nothing else comes close to making me feel bliss.
God, I love his little head!ben awareness
Also this week we hit another amazing milestone, he’s discovered his little hands and is starting to grab at things, mainly hair and beards and necklaces. But it’s still amazing.
I was thinking about his new found skill of finding his hands during one of my ‘can’t quite get back to sleep’ moments after a diaper change at an ungodly hour, which are now loads more fun because I can make him smile …
Hang on, fun while dealing with human waste? I never thought I’d ever say that. It’s incredible what a baby changes. Even poo is good!
Apart from that thought, I was actually thinking about how amazing it must be for him with this discovery.
He popped into our world seven weeks ago and since then he has had to re-adjust just to what life is. Gone are the comforts of a clean, warm womb with a soothing heartbeat as the soundtrack. In its place is a world with a hairy faced, badly singing dad and a mom who is quite silly (sorry, darling, but we both know it). Grandparents who are cooing all the time, and the smells, some good, others not, and the textures, and the lights, and the … well, there is a lot to take in and throughout all of that onslaught of information not much chance for any self-awareness.
Then one day, his little hand pops into his view, and he realizes, this thing is mine and with it I can feel the world—the way I want to not the way it’s shown to me.
He now has more control and that control is the start of developing his life the way he wants to, with guidance of course.
Think about it for a second. This new discovery is like me one day waking up and realizing I can fly or read minds! It would completely change the shape of my life.
That got me thinking more, if I did one day wake up and could do one of those things, I would absolutely freak out. I guess we get used to knowing what we can and cannot do and how the world works as Ben had. And yet, when he discovered his life changing ability to understand his hands are his—hands that could paint or build or play piano, hands that could heal or invent—he took it in his stride. He processed without drama and changed his life without anyone noticing. Although my little man is amazing and wonderful and the best thing to happen to me, he is like all babies, and they all go through this journey. I’ve never really thought about how hard and overwhelming it must be.
I guess now, when my little man has a random cry or whine I’m going to think about these new found thoughts and empathize more. I’m sure if my world was changing and growing at the rate of his, I would probably cry or whine, too.
I often wonder about what is the best way to teach Ben about life; I’m now starting to think he can teach me just as much.