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Enjoy it

Over the last two months, this particular phrase has been casually bandied* about like someone absent-mindedly reminding me to appreciate my chocolate cake from Claim Jumper. (Like I need a reminder to do that!) Strangers that see me with my little one smile at us and without warning whisper, “Enjoy it,” in our general direction....

Enjoy-itOver the last two months, this particular phrase has been casually bandied* about like someone absent-mindedly reminding me to appreciate my chocolate cake from Claim Jumper. (Like I need a reminder to do that!)
Strangers that see me with my little one smile at us and without warning whisper, “Enjoy it,” in our general direction. I’m always a little stunned when this unsolicited advice comes my way. Although I appreciate their reminder, I can’t help but wonder to myself, Self, do I look like I’m not enjoying it? Do they know something I don’t know? Will Bill Compton ever be nice again on True Blood? These strangers never stick around long enough to answer any of my questions, and I’m left wondering, Am I truly ‘enjoying it?’
These past not-quite-three months have flown by. I can’t believe my little newborn is almost not newly born. How did that happen? Especially since each day seems to creep by like I’m stuck in some sort of Star Trek temporal time-loop. My mind wonders the same things over and over. Will I get through the day without caffeine? (No.) Or, How long will Little E nap so that I can maybe brush my teeth alone? (Not quite long enough.) Then I hear I the wise passerby’s reminder: Enjoy it.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy the 4 A.M. pumping sessions.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy the hourly exercise ball bouncing that helps E relax but makes my C-sectioned insides ache.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy the nighttime screaming.
Enjoy it.
Am I really enjoying it?
Even though most days I still feel like I’m playing catch-up from being pregnant (Yes, my closet full of clothes that aren’t even close to fitting yet is a not subtle reminder of this), I am enjoying it. It’s not easy, and at some points I am so exhausted I want to crawl into the shower and cry like I’ve just watched Howard the Duck. But even with all that…I find myself enjoying it. I find that if my little one needs for me to jump on one leg while humming Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation—I will do it. I will do anything to make him comfortable and happy.
Am I really enjoying it?
Yes.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy the diaper changing conversations.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy E’s smiles when I walk into his view.
Enjoy it.
The nap-time cuddling.
Enjoy it.
I am.
Because really—I am enjoying him.
*I just wanted to use the word “bandied” in a sentence. Not enough people use it anymore, and I want to bring it back. It sounds cool and erudite, but without sounding smug like “eruidite.”  Plus, it rhymes with “candied.’ I like candy.

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