Diaper change or wrestling match?​

By Published On: October 10th, 2016

He’s just over 5 months old, but every time I change […]

img_0024He’s just over 5 months old, but every time I change Austin’s diaper it feels like I’m trying to pin one of the Road Warriors—either one, Hawk or Animal.

I know it was difficult to pin either of them because I Googled “best WWF winning percentage,” and they were both in the top 10.

But seriously, how can an infant who doesn’t yet weigh as much as a Thanksgiving turkey give you such a hard time changing his diaper? There’s stages to it, and it’s times like this … (I wish I was at least a little artistic, but I’m not, so I’ll use words. Boring.)

Here are the steps I take to get a diaper change done.

  1. Get him on the ground. It’s pretty easy because he can’t even crawl (he’s close) and remains on the ground at all times.
  2. Unsnap the onesie or remove pants. This part is also fairly simple unless he decides to start rolling.
  3. Crying and kicking ensue. But mostly kicking. And some rolling, just for good measure.
  4. Using one hand, I try unsuccessfully pinning down both legs.
  5. (30 seconds later) Remove diaper. This is usually followed by a huge grin. My thought is he realizes how bad it feels to sit in a pee-filled diaper and how glorious it feels to be free from said diaper.
  6. Kicking and rolling ensue.
  7. (30 seconds later) Using one hand, I grab both ankles, lift his butt up and slide a new diaper underneath.
  8. Place him on the clean diaper.
  9. With one hand still on his ankles, I use the other and a knee to keep his feet down long enough to secure the diaper.
  10. Re-button onesie or pull up his pants.
  11. Walk away.

The entire time this is going on I am trying to make him laugh and smile, saying and making whatever goofy things I can to keep his mind off the diaper change. Once the five seconds of crying has ceased, I can usually coax a smile out of him. But that only means the crying stopped. Not the kicking or rolling.

The part where I walk away? I don’t put my arms up to signify my victory over a 5-month-old but rather to catch my breath and let him roll completely over and prop himself up as clearly we both need a short break from one another.

If the diaper change requires a complete outfit change (read: a complete poop blowout), I just get him naked and start the shower because he’s gonna need a head-to-toe cleaning. As for the outfit he just ruined, we’ll pretend like we can get it clean by immediately scrubbing and soaking it but chances are that thing is going in the trash. If it’s minimal,with a little stain that refuses to go away, we can salvage it.

So yeah, he’s not even 20 pounds, but he puts up a fight like a bluefish. Or what I imagine reeling in a bluefish is like. I hear it’s quite a fight. But in a good way. Just like this diaper change. Unless we need to start the shower.

What a rush!