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Cry baby

Written by: Josh Conley October 12 2012 Results of a recently-conducted, VERY official-like poll concluded that 100% of parents surveyed dislike the sound of babies crying. Asked if they would rather jam toothpicks under their toenails or listen to a baby cry for 15 minutes, a whopping 50% chose the toothpicks, while the other 50%...

Written by: Josh Conley

Results of a recently-conducted, VERY official-like poll concluded that 100% of parents surveyed dislike the sound of babies crying. Asked if they would rather jam toothpicks under their toenails or listen to a baby cry for 15 minutes, a whopping 50% chose the toothpicks, while the other 50% said “Define ‘jam.’”

The survey included two parents, my wife and myself, obviously. Last week was a rough one. I’ve heard of the Witching Hour, but never really believed it until Peanut started brewing up something loud and angry in her tiny little cauldron. Every night, right around 8:00, she would stir that pot at alarming decibels, testing our fading constitution.

It might be a coincidence, but 8:00 is also Bub’s bedtime. It’s at least unfortunate for the two of us—the very time we were used to our daily sigh of relief/recap/catch-up, she goes berserk. She’s like a sorrow-seeking missile firing at our weakened defenses.

The doctor said it might be acid reflux. And while I really like our pediatrician, I think he just had to write a possible diagnosis down so as not to perpetuate the myth of the Witching Hour. And because Angry Baby is not widely recognized by the A.M.A.

I’m somewhat familiar with acid reflux, and this did not seem to be the case. It wasn’t related to eating, and it only happened at this particular time of day. My brother said a baby normally cries for one of three reasons: dirty diaper, hunger, tired. We checked off the first two, and she seemed to be getting plenty of rest, so we were left to the blurry resulting mashup of singing, swaddling, walking, dancing, rocking, handing-off and other forms of desperation.

Nothing worked. Minutes, weeks went by. She eventually just stopped, when she was good and 2 years old, our hair gray.

There’s nothing in the world as frustrating as a crying baby. On either end, really; they can’t effectively identify and/or communicate what’s wrong, and we can only guess. And when it’s not one of those big three, we are in trouble.

I don’t think it’s quite as extreme as I’ve heard colic is, but it is pretty intense. I’ve also heard some radical theories about how to combat this kind of crying, but I would love to hear any advice or words of wisdom anyone can share!

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