Before baby

It’s hard to believe, but five days ago, Jacob celebrated his 5-month birthday. (By “celebrated” I mean “stared back at me blankly after I announced this oh-so-important milestone to him.”) It’s crazy to think how different life becomes once you welcome a baby into your life. My day-to-day life looks totally different than it did six months ago. I’ve compiled a list of “for-instances” below. Feel free to add your own in the (new-and-improved!) comment section below.

Before I had a baby I could…

1) Sleep for more than 3 to 4 hours in a stretch

2) Shower more than twice a week.

3) Eat with both hands. Now, I’m lucky if I have use of one hand. Some meals, I’m tempted to use my feet. (I resist the urge. See #2.)

4) Show up to places on time. Okay, I’m lying. I’ve never shown up to anything on time unless it’s church or I’m getting paid for it. But, at least now I have an excuse. “Jacob had to finish his favorite TV show.”

5) Do anything-bathroom related in silence. Even if Jacob isn’t whimpering, I’m usually singing, talking, doing the chicken dance (true story!) to entertain him.

6) Go a week without doing the chicken dance.

7) Sleep (with Tom). We’re all adults here—except Jacob, and he can’t read yet.

8) Shower without an audience.

9) Watch a TV show / movie without interruption.

10) Run into a store for an errand in five minutes flat. Now, just getting J out of his car seat and into his stroller takes five minutes.

11) Get dressed without looking like a favorite breakfast treat. Muffin top, anyone?

12) Choose a shirt based on how cute it is not whether or not it offers easy nursing access.

13) Did I mention sleep?

14) Go out on dinner, movie, coffee dates (with Tom) on a whim. Now, dinner and coffee dates are planned around J’s schedule. We have yet to brave the movies.

15) Give someone my full attention. Now, no matter how interested I look and no matter how hard I try, at least 51 percent of brain is thinking about my baby, not you.

16) Go on a run, sans stroller. Okay, who am I kidding. Go on a walk, sans stroller.

17) Wear bras that are pretty, not functional.

18) Put on a bra without wondering why all nursing bras look like a bad cross between frumpy granny under things and creepy dominatrix lingerie. (Maybe this has something to do with #7?)

19) Stay out past 10 p.m. J has a schedule to keep!

20) Actually want to stay out past 10 p.m.

And, last but not least …
21) Only imagine how much fun it would be to have a little person around who could make all of the above so worth it.