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Baby bully

Written by: Suzanna Palmer September 04 2012 Fact: My baby can beat up your baby. This isn’t something I’m proud of, but for now, it’s a reality of life with Jacob. Someday he’ll understand that hitting and throwing things at other babies isn’t a good idea. (Hopefully, it will be before he’s no longer a...

Written by: Suzanna Palmer

Fact: My baby can beat up your baby. This isn’t something I’m proud of, but for now, it’s a reality of life with Jacob. Someday he’ll understand that hitting and throwing things at other babies isn’t a good idea. (Hopefully, it will be before he’s no longer a baby, otherwise we’re going to have some serious legal issues on our hands.)

Although Jacob is as sweet as can be most hours of the day, he has a definite penchant for mischief. Knowing he shouldn’t do something makes it all the more fun to him, and this is exactly why he has gained notoriety as the Baby Bully.

Case in point: The other day while Tom and I were getting chummy with the neighbors and their 8-month-old baby over dinner, the mom suggested that we put the boys together to play.

Instantly my red flag went up. Jacob has yet to meet a baby that he hasn’t slapped, pinched, crawled on top of or inflicted his baby bullying methods upon. Knowing that Jacob’s interpersonal skills are sorely lacking, I figured their playing together was a bad idea. But, being their guests, I didn’t want to seem standoffish and agreed. It wasn’t thirty seconds before the fun, er, fighting began.

I sat Jacob down, and right away he spotted his competition. (I imagine his thoughts went something like this: “Ah, 16 or 17 pounds. A lightweight. Plenty of hair for pulling. This is gunna be an easy one.”) The other baby simply looked at Jacob, sadly oblivious to his scheming. This is when my guy went in for the kill.

Anytime Jacob meets a new baby, his method of attack is the same. First, he circles his prey. Then he pounces. Or slaps. Or pulls hair. Or whatever equally pain-inducing action you can think of. In this case, it was the double-whammy: A slap followed by a hair grab.

With the other mom looking on in horror, I did what any good mother of a bully would do.

I responded with faux shock (let’s be honest, I totally saw it coming), gave Jacob a (figurative) slap on the wrist, and told him “no” firmly.

His response? A smile and a giggle. Oh, well, if I have to have a bully for a baby, at least I have one with a sense of humor.

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