A new life

As of today, Baby Jacob has been incubating for 39 weeks. (Assuming he hasn’t been born yet, as we bloggers write posts a week out!) It’s been both the longest and shortest 39 weeks of my life.

When I was in the throes of nausea and vomiting for the first 22 weeks, I never thought it would end. Now, that I have just one week to go before I’m holding our little bundle in my arms instead of in my belly, it seems like it was just yesterday that the plus sign appeared.

Much has changed since that day, and although I don’t generally consider myself the overly reflective or sentimental type, knowing that as soon as Jacob arrives I won’t be pregnant anymore, I can’t help but feel a little bit wistful. It’s a little like how you feel when you get to the end of a good book or realize you’re on that last bite of cheesecake: satisfied but still a little sad that it’s all over.

If I had read that statement a few months ago, I would never have believed that I wrote it. I was pretty outspoken about not being a big fan of pregnancy at first. (And, yes, that may very well qualify as the understatement of the year.)

In my first “Knocked Up” post, I shared that for quite some time I thought “anyone who made a conscious choice to have a human being grow inside them must be a few clowns shy of a circus.” I also shared that the moments following that pregnancy test were filled with lots of tears (not entirely happy ones) and terror. At the end of my first post, I shared that despite my less-than-joyous feelings about being a mother I knew that eventually it would be “worth it all.”

Even though I haven’t seen Jacob yet, I can now say the same thing about pregnancy. Throwing up on every surface of our house at some point or another, enduring painfully stretched skin and sleepless nights, and spending more hours than I care to count in the bathroom truly has been worth it all. The love and excitement that I already feel for the little guy amazes me. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel when I actually get to inspect his miniature fingers and toes and see him smile for the first time.

When I was in the midst of my worst days, I swore to everyone within earshot that I would never do this again. Now, I already find myself talking about the next one. It’s funny how a heart can change.

During the past 39 weeks while Jacob was growing from just a few cells into a beautiful baby, his momma was doing some growing, too. You often hear about how a mother gives life to her child, but in my case, Jacob was giving a new life and a new way of thinking to me. For that I’m thankful and always will be.