1 | Someone was hungry.
Your bulging bump is not an open invitation for others to comment on your eating habits, but some people will regardless. Try not to take it personally, and advise the opinionated spectators that what baby would really like is the remaining half of their cupcake (or Snickers bar or pickle spear). With any luck, they’ll feel obligated to give it to you. Score!
2 | Enjoy [insert any activity here] while you still can.
Having a baby doesn’t mean your life is over. It’s going to be different, sure, but if something is important to you, you’ll make time for it. Tell them you can’t wait to introduce your tot to [insert any activity here] someday.
3 | That’s bad for the baby.
Whether it’s coffee, McDonald’s fries or hair dye that’s causing the concern, thank the person for his or her input (through gritted teeth if you have to), and let them know you’ll take it up with your practitioner. It’s up to you whether you actually do.
4 | Are you planning to breastfeed?
Let’s just go ahead and put this question in the same category as “Are you getting a bikini wax?” It’s personal, and it’s OK to gently remind inquisitors of that fact.
5 | You look ready to pop!
Your brain will instantly translate this to mean: “You look huge,” which is precisely the last thing you want pointed out after watching your waistline steadily expand for nine months. If you don’t want to hear any more commentary, suggest, “Then it’s probably best if you stay back.”
6 | You’ll never sleep again.
If a fellow new mama is commiserating with a girlfriend, then we’ll let this one slide. But if a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed co-worker with zero kiddos is gloating, smile and remark that there’s no better reason to lose some Zs.
7 | Can I touch your belly?
At least they asked, but they’re putting you in an awkward spot by requesting to put their hand in an even more awkward spot. Turn the tables by asking if you can touch theirs. (We recommend lightening the pointed sarcasm with a laugh.)