I hoped and hoped that one day I would be a mommy, but I gave up on thinking it was ever going to happen after trying for two years with my ex. When I started dating my now boyfriend and he told me he was unable to have kids, I believed even more that it just wasn’t in my future to be a mommy. Then on February 25, 2013, I got my positive pregnancy test. My whole body started shaking, and at that moment, I had never been so scared. When I told my boyfriend, he was ecstatic. All he has wanted for years was to be a daddy, but he was told that he would never be able to. He also had tried and failed.
I did not have an easy pregnancy at all. I had horrible morning sickness and found out on the first day of week 13 that my placenta had torn a little bit away from the wall. Preterm labor starting at 23 weeks. I needed to have my contractions stopped several times before being put on Procardia to keep them at bay. The time was filled with countless trips to the hospital and many sleepless nights.
On October 13, 2013, after walking a huge pumpkin patch for three hours, I went to the hospital. As they were discharging me, my water broke! I then moved quickly from being 3.5 cm to 5 cm dilated. I got my epidural, and everything was going great!
But then at 9 p.m., I got extremely cold. Three regular blankets and four warm blankets were not warming me up. I was shaking because I was so cold. My boyfriend and mom were rubbing my arms and legs over the blankets, but I was still was freezing. Dean’s heart rate then dropped and nurses came running in and put me on oxygen.
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From here on, things become kind of hazy. I remember falling asleep here and there. Nurses were coming in and out to check my progress. Then, I started getting really, really hot. Dean’s heart rate and my heart rate were skyrocketing and so was my blood pressure. I also had a fever that was at 105 degrees. There was talk about the doctor deciding if I would progress any more since I was at 8 cm. At this time, it was around midnight.
They decided I needed to be taken for an emergency C-section. I bawled because I was so scared. I really had no clue what was going on because I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I remember my mom saying that my eyes were extremely bloodshot. I also remember my mom having cool wash rags on my chest and forehead. When I was taken to the operating room to be prepped for surgery, all I could think about is all of the things the doctor had told me and how scared I was that I was going to lose my special little boy.
I pretty much blacked out from all the medicine that was in my system. I don’t remember my mom coming into the operating room to be next to me. I don’t remember them cutting me. I don’t remember my son coming into the world or his first cry. I don’t remember him being placed on my chest and seeing him for the first time. To me that doesn’t exist.
What I do remember is coming to, and through blurred vision, seeing my mom next to me telling me that Dean is beautiful. The nurses and my mom were talking about taking me to recovery. I remember being told Dean was in NICU because of my fever and our bad infections. They said that when he came out, he was very hot to the touch. I was told that I wouldn’t be able to see him, for what they thought would be 24 hours. I had to get better so I could see my baby.
My mom, my boyfriend and my step dad went to go see him. The first time I saw my son was through photos and videos. I didn’t get to see my son or hold him until 11 hours after he was born.
Dean Lee was born October 14, 2013 at 1:11 a.m. He was 6 lbs, 5 oz and 19 inches long. Despite the infection he had and needing to be in NICU a little over a week, he is a happy healthy boy who I love more than anything in the entire world.
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