It’s back-to-school time (work-from-home moms, rejoice!), and while, for many of us, that means sobbing as we press our faces up against the classroom window to make sure our babies get 27 kisses every hour and special snacks throughout the day (we’re looking at you, preschool and kindergarten moms), some of us are booking our mani/pedis and looking forward to a little guilt-free time away from the kiddos.
Back-to-school season isn’t without its caveats, however. There’s the back-to-school clothes and supplies shopping, getting kids back on schedule after months of them hanging out in their underwear all day and binging on screens, and the nightmare that is packing school lunches and *shudders* the school carpool line, just to name a few.
The good news is that you’re not alone. We’re here to guide you through the back-to-school madness with a laugh and virtual hug of solidarity with these hilarious tweets from funny internet-parents who get it!
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1. Between the oddly specific school supplies list that entails things like 11 ½ orange marbles and 133 paper clips linked together and droves of exhausted parents in hot, crowded stores that smell of armpit while their kids debate over markers, a sangria or 18 (gallons) is certainly in order.
2. We’re willing to bet they stop with the “I’m bored” comments in record time.
3. Don’t forget items in the amount of just-one-more-than-is-in-a-package so you have to buy another. Fine, we will buy you whatever you want, just take these kids!
4. Alright, so having the kids home for the summer isn’t all bad.
5. Sorry we’re late, my kid decided they wanted to try to zip up their own jacket, and then I had to grab my iced coffee from Starbucks.
6. Speaking of Starbucks, get in, loser (we mean that affectionately), we’re attending the back-to-school shenanigans in the parking lot.
7. The economy may be bad but it’s not Rose Art bad.
8. Time to play the game “is it the common cold, flu, COVID, or monkeypox?”
9. Here’s your first lesson, kids: Do as Mommy says, not as she does.
10. Take a load off (on top of a load of unfolded laundry sitting on the couch).
11. Somebody get this woman an award because only 18 is impressive. If you know, you know.
12. That’s nothing compared to “The Field Study of Mold Spores Found in the Lunchbox After Being Left in the Backpack All Weekend.”
13. “Mommy loves you all the same … ish … ”
14. It’s not so much of a “summer slump” as it is a “summer ski slope right off a cliff.”
16. And just like that, we can never show our faces in town again.
17. Packing school lunches is like making a Viking funeral for all the vegetables they’re not going to eat.
18. The more delicious version of the 11 p.m. Walmart run for poster board.
19. We dunno, two days seems pretty lofty.
20. The essentials, really.
21. If they touch it, it counts as a serving. It’s science.
22. Shoutout to the neighbors who still smile and wave despite having heard us lose our cool through a cracked window.
23. Like “American Ninja Warrior” but for parents of school-aged children.
24. It’s called “independent play.” Look it up.
25. So you’re saying ’90s thrift-store-chic is in style?
26. Move over, Ms. Rachel, Mama’s got some trashy reality TV to binge.
27. We’re all just the frazzled “Beauty and the Beast” marketplace lady yelling that she needs six eggs.
28. Don’t forget the “essential oil.” Yes, it’s whiskey. Yes, it’s essential.
29. The relay race no one asked for or wanted.
30. We thought we’d leave you with a little prayer: May the odds be ever in your favor, and may you let out a sigh of relief and put your feet up. You’ve earned it!
If you got a few cackles out of this, pass it along to a fellow parent in the midst of the back-to-school season. (A share on social media wouldn’t hurt, either.)