I think I can …

My breastfeeding goal has always been to make it to at least one year. Seven months down (Woohoo!), but five long months to go. I’m proud of myself for sticking with it for this long; breastfeeding and pumping are no easy tasks. I feel guilty saying it, but as the weeks go by, I’m getting more and more anxious to be done.

I love that I’m giving Graham the best nutrition that I possibly can by giving him the gift of breast milk. I love that we have this special time to connect every day when I breastfeed him; it’s especially nice to reconnect in this way after being away from when I’m working.  I also love the undeniable calorie burn of breastfeeding—I got back to my prepregnancy weight in pretty short order without dieting or much exercise. Also, it’s great to know that we’ve saved hundreds of dollars by not having to purchase formula.

However, I’m getting excited for the day when I can put the pump away for good (or at least until the next baby arrives).

Now that Graham is sleeping through the night (YAY!), I’m waking up every morning engorged and in pain. I thought that my body would adjust pretty quickly, but it’s been more than three weeks since this transition—and it still hasn’t happened.

Also, while I am able to pump a good amount of milk in the morning because I’m so engorged, the decrease in nighttime prolactin stimulation has decreased my overall milk supply. In response, I’ve been trying to pump/feed more frequently—which has led to uncomfortably sore nips.  There have been days this past week where it hurts to feel them brush up against my bra or T-shirt. I’ve had to purchase larger flanges for my pump (is there any more depressing way to spend 15 bucks?) for my ever-evolving nips (unfortunately, not a good look). And sometimes, when I’m having a particularly busy or stressful day, I just plain don’t want to hook myself up to that (insert expletive) pump.

I know I’ve written a little about this before (and I talk about it a lot), but when you’re breastfeeding it’s such a huge part of your life. The commitment to give your baby breast milk is a big one! It’s time consuming, sometimes painful, sometimes tiresome, sometimes wonderful, and sometimes annoying. But most of the time it feels very rewarding. I’m doing my best to push through.

At least now that Graham is eating three solid meals a day, there is slightly less demand for milk … and in turn less stress knowing that I’m not solely responsible for his nutrition. Five more months? I think I can, I think I can, I think I can …