Hi everyone! We made it! I am officially 40 week’s pregnant and still going strong! I said hello and goodbye to my due date on June 26th, shed a few tears over it and am now adjusting to the new challenge of getting through each overdue day—because let’s face it, each hour tends to feel like forever at this point. I now understand that meme I have seen online about the last month of pregnancy having 1,465 days in it or something like that. It’s SO true! I definitely wish I could bottle the slow pace of time and save it for when Bellamy is here with me in the flesh.
I have found this week to be the most mentally challenging for me. I don’t feel as if I am thinking and operating as myself anymore, and I have noticed a twinge of attitude rearing its ugly head. I was not a bridezilla at all, but I am wondering if maybe I am a pregnancy-zilla in some capacity? I really hope not, but I know my patience has been wearing thin, and it’s manifesting in ways I wasn’t expecting.
I don’t mean to be anything but truthful as well as grateful, but the constant checking in, phone calls, texts and general “labor verbiage” from anyone but my doctor is starting to make my skin crawl. I didn’t know words/phrases like labor, delivery, contraction and water breaking could actually start to make me feel gross. I am just SO sick of talking about it. I am SO tired of being a messaging service to everyone and repeating myself all day long. I think the difficult part is listening to other people express their frustrations and opinions. Again, so grateful for the concern and support, but this is happening to me. I can’t hear another argument about whether or not to induce. Please stop subtly telling me what to do. It’s going to send me over the edge.
Of course I know everyone means well and loves Matt, the baby and me. I know it’s a great “problem” to have so many people wanting to know the status update of my life, but it’s been a lot this week. As a people-pleaser by nature, it’s really hard for me to create boundaries and speak my mind at the expense of someone else’s feelings possibly being hurt. If you’re into Myers Briggs, I am a total INFP, and pregnancy hasn’t changed my lack of directness. However, this week has been a different story.
Once my due date arrived, I was totally flooded with constant communication from many, many people wanting to know what was up. Phones unfortunately do not have automatic text replies that say, “Thank you so much for checking on us! We will notify everyone when there is news!” (If they do, I am not enlightened to this capability!) I started to feel really overwhelmed by the influx of calls and messages, and as I didn’t pick up each call or answer each text, a great anxiety came over me feeling I would have to later explain myself in some “please forgive me” way. In our world today, it’s way easier to be connected. There are so many portals of communication, and it’s almost impossible to be off the grid. Back in the day, you had one voicemail machine you could create a special message for and press the blinking notification button whenever you were ready to deal with it. Not anymore!
I reached out to a friend who just had a baby and asked if this was something she had experienced as well. She gave me so much encouragement and the needed bit of permission to shut everything and everyone out for a little while.
“You do not have to respond right now. You do not need to feel guilty. You need to protect the sanity of your mind.”
Wisdom. I needed that. I needed to give myself the authority to exit the burning building that was starting to crumble on top of me. After thanking her for allowing me to vent, I took my phone, put it on airplane mode and stuck it in the drawer. It was great! If you’re currently in my shoes, whether you are four, 14 or 40-plus weeks pregnant, don’t feel badly for doing whatever you need to stay sane! Once the baby is here and we have our time with her, we will be more than ready to share her with the world. Until then, I’m just trying to keep this blood pressure under control!
I am trying to shift my perspective from, “I don’t have enough compassion for others right now,” to “I need to have grace with myself.” Even writing this post has been therapeutic for me. I know the overwhelming emotion coming my way is JOY! Joy will surely oversaturate our lives as soon as she arrives, and I will be unconcerned with everything else! Until then, to my family and friends, know I love you all! I am just trying to get my pregnancy zen on and protect the sanity of my mind. Such great advice!