Week 18: Smell test

You know that question you used to get as a kid about what power you’d pick if you could be a superhero for a day? Take a moment to walk down memory lane with me, and think about what you used to want way back when. Maybe you hoped for super-vision or super-speed or the ability to fly. There possibilities are almost unlimited. Notice, I said almost. There is one power that I can guarantee that no kid has ever coveted: A super-sense of smell.

And, it’s a shame really. With super-charged olfactory senses you can have all sorts of fun like correctly guessing what your neighbor three blocks away is cooking for dinner or when the person the next aisle over from you in Walmart last showered. And, the fun doesn’t stop there. You’ll also get to amaze your friends and family when you can pinpoint what they had for lunch hours earlier or the brand of deodorant they use. (It’s a great party trick! Really!)

How do I know all this, you ask? Because when The [Super-Power Gifting] Powers That Be started handing out cool tricks, they decided to bestow Super Smell only onto pregnant women and bloodhounds. (I’m the former, in case there was any confusion). From what I understand, they’re the same committee who also give pregnant women the ability to pick up things with their feet and cry over important social issues like the improper disposal of cat litter.
But I digress.
If, like me, you are pregnant, you know that though Super Smell can be a lot of fun, it has a few drawbacks, too. Your husband’s cologne that used to be a romance trigger now only sets off your gag reflex. And, you can no longer pretend not to notice that single moldy blueberry that slipped under the veggie drawer in your refrigerator.
Super Smell may also prompt your family to stage an intervention on your behalf, if your olfactory cravings are anything like mine. Rather than seeking out some wonderful scent like melting chocolate or fresh flowers with my hyper schnoz, I, in true crazy pregnant lady fashion, can’t stay away from good old-fashioned household bleach.
I’m not nutsy enough to tear open the jug and start whiffing down the (glorious!) fumes willy-nilly, though don’t think I haven’t been tempted. Instead, I’ve satiated my obsession by wiping down our kitchen with handy-dandy bleach spray two or three (hundred) times a day. (Super Smell Bonus: My counters have never been cleaner!)
Admittedly, having Super Nose for nine months does make life a bit strange, but I’m just glad I wasn’t gifted with X-Ray vision instead. We recently got new neighbors, and something tells me that “Hey! I have the same underwear!” would be a really awkward conversation starter.