The first day, I was intrigued. The second day, I was curious. By the third day, I was phoning a friend to be talked down. “It’s too soon,” she said. “If you tested now, it might come out negative. You should wait another day or two.” And so we set a phone date for Friday morning, the fifth day after my next cycle was supposed to begin. On the fourth day: I. Got. Excited.
By Friday morning, I was jittery. Why did husBen (the name I lovingly call my husband) have to be halfway around the world in Australia for three whole weeks? But at the same time, who would have thunk that we’d get pregnant on the very first try? We were just practicing last month, were we not? We figured we would give it a go for real when he returned from his Australian adventure. Fortunately, the cycle gods had smiled down upon us.
I don’t actually believe in “cycle gods,” but I do feel like this pregnancy has taken me to new spiritual depths. For over a year prior to becoming pregnant, husBen and I were on a journey of discernment about whether or not we even wanted to have kids. We got married committed to each other, but not fully knowing if we were also committed to raising a tiny human into a full-fledged member of society. Sure, kids are fun and all, but you know what else is fun? Sleep. Traveling to far off places. Spontaneous date nights. (I could go on.) Some of you have known since childhood that you were destined for parenthood, but for us, it wasn’t so clear-cut.
We knew we had vocational inspirations to make a difference in the world by helping others, but did that mean making a difference in the life of a child of our own? So we asked questions of ourselves and trusted friends. We read books like The Parenthood Decision. Did you know that there’s a whole genre of books to help you decide if you want to become a parent? As an aside, I know that some of you have struggled for years trying to conceive and others of you were shocked to find out that your trusty old birth control method had failed. We each come at this from different places. For me, it has been a journey of discovering a new calling. This intentional time we spent talking, praying, listening, and discerning has led us to this exciting new adventure. And I can name, for the first time in my life, that I am called to be a parent.
I look forward to sharing some of the ups and downs of this wild and crazy, yet also enlightening adventure with you. What has the journey towards pregnancy and parenthood been like for you?