As the holidays roll in, I notice a different joy in my heart that started out small and continues to grow, just like the Grinch. Although I wouldn’t compare myself to him, and I have always loved Christmas, I can say my heart has grown many sizes since the birth of my daughter, Bellamy.
I don’t know what it’s like for other parents, but it took me some time to really understand my daughter and adjust to thinking about someone else other than myself. It took time for me to truly love her well, too. Months went by and I did love her, but I still felt partially somewhere else as I gripped the handles of my new life. Now that we are approaching the 6-month mark, I have had lots of time to get into the swing of things, and I have to say (with a big smile) aside from her father, my daughter is just the most wonderful part of my life.
I finally feel that “feeling” you hear parents reference when talking about the joys of parenthood. I now know what that feels like, and it is the most joyous feeling! Matt arrived home the other day and swooped Bellamy into his arms. He took a deep breath and said, “She is such a gift!” He is right. She is SUCH a gift, so much so I couldn’t ask for a thing more amazing.
My birthday happens to fall in December, and I received a ton of questions regarding what I would like to do or to receive for my birthday. It was the one time in the history of my life I can remember feeling completely content. How great is that? I have everything I could want, and I didn’t feel “in want.” It’s not perfect every day, and I do have to remind myself to be grateful now and then, but these days, I really can’t look past the good to focus on the bad.
Before you assume anything, our situation isn’t totally ideal, and life isn’t super easy, but children just bring a new perspective to the day-to-day that cannot be replicated. Maybe it’s the time of year—or the super sweet stage of life she is in—but I am basically a ball of positive emotion right now, and desire to express my gratitude for Bellamy.
I hope every parent can find a moment here and there to really look at what they created and marvel at it. The days are crazy, and the nights can be very long. But the underlying theme can still be this undeniable sense of thankfulness and pure joy. I just feel so blessed, and I believe in sharing the good times just as much as the bad times. It makes me tear up shining light on what she has brought to our family, and she has absolutely no idea what is going on! Thank the Lord she is in our family, and I have been given the task to spend all day, every day with her. We are so in love with her, and she has given us more than we can really put into words.
In an effort to paint an illustration of how we feel, I think Matt said it well the other day when he wrote, “… I love her more than words can express … I think non-verbal shouting and aggressive, awkward dancing is as close as I could come to outwardly expressing the joy I receive from having these two ladies in my life. ”