Diaper changing at 32,000 feet

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Once you get the hang of it, changing a diaper […]

Tonilyn02.05Once you get the hang of it, changing a diaper can be a fast, fun, and easy process! All you need to enjoy this undertaking is a diaper, some wipes, and a baby. And viola! With some practice you too can become an expert diaper changer! However, there are situations that even the most proficient of Diaperesses can find challenging. Diaper changing in public places can indeed prove tricky, but one of the trickiest of all these to be an airplane lavatory. So, to help you navigate this treacherous task, here are five helpful tips to guide you through:
1. No matter how much you weigh, lose 10 lbs. Airplane bathrooms are meant for the tiniest of humans (or maybe for traveling hobbits), so in order to fit inside comfortably with your child, shedding a few pounds in flight can be extremely helpful. (Step one can be avoided if you are traveling with a hobbit. Just be sure to feed him a Second Breakfast, and never bring up the size of his feet.)
2. In order to have the most germ-free space available, ask the flight attendant if you can borrow some disinfectant and a sponge. When they say, “No, we don’t have that,” simply smile and ask for a second bag of peanuts instead. This way you have a treat for yourself when you’re done.
3. In one hand, hold your baby, diaper, and wipes. In your other hand, take with you the tiny bottle of hand sanitizer you’ve smuggled onto the plane and proceed to wipe down the changing area as best you can. Try not to think about the fact this muck has been accumulating in here since Sam and Diane broke up and George Michael was wanting to be your “Father Figure.”
4. Watch your infant’s eyes light up as he contemplates all the new textures he will soon be able to touch. Watch your infant’s eyes grow confused as you pull down his sleeves over his hands.
5. Place your changing mat atop the changing board, and work at lightening speed changing his diaper—all the while maneuvering your body in front of him so he doesn’t decide to roll off into the grime lined sink.
And that’s that!
You’ve done it!
Return to your seat, enjoy your bag of peanuts, and quietly hope your child can hold it until you land.
Or, avoid all the hassle, and ask the hobbit you’re traveling with if he would change the baby for you.
Offer him a shiny gold ring. They seem to like those.

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