Tag Archives: Tonilyn Hornung

The rush

There were things I didn’t anticipate when I visualized myself as a mom a year ago. Yes, I could clearly see the spit-up-stained clothes, and yes, I knew there might be nights I’d see the sun come up. But no, … Continue reading

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I’m no supermom

It happens a lot—my cape falling off. I’m not sure how all those super hero’s do it. I guess some of my favorites have chosen to go cape free: Captain America, Ironman, and Han Solo— and I can see why. … Continue reading

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Sock it to me

The dryer is a magical appliance. True, it will dry the clothes 40 times faster than I can dry them by blowing on them, but this is not why I deem it remarkable. Nope. The dryer is otherworldly because clothes … Continue reading

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Good night breast pump

As a teenager, my milkshake did not bring all the boys to yard. My whole life I’ve had what I would call an average-sized chest—bigger than Molly Ringwald but not as big as J-Lo. But when I was pregnant, my … Continue reading

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Letter from a 10-month-old

Dear Tonilyn, Greetings. Since I am now a man of the double-digits, I shall be addressing you by your full name instead of the babyish “ma-ma-ma” to which you have become accustomed. As I am now 10 months old, I … Continue reading

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Baby weight

I’m a girl that goes with her gut feeling on things. It’s how I process the world. I’m always keen to check in with my insides before making any big decision outside—like moving into a new house or deciding what … Continue reading

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The great sneeze

All the tension has left his face. His lips spread forward to resemble a tiny Mick Jagger pout. The Kid is finally asleep. Unless … oh no … I can feel it coming … unless I sneeze. Second only to … Continue reading

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Sleep training mom

ZZZZzzzgtun runetneur hamburger fjes;djhgfsneufitna anyrnd rughrrrrrrrr qqqqqqqqqqq hamburger fuwpantue afntuppgnepa enu402ndpr hamburger. Oops. Sorry about that. I thought maybe I could have my dog write my blog for me this week. It seemed like a good idea at the time, … Continue reading

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Nine months: What I didn’t know

I say it every time. Each time we reach the beginning of a new phase in my little one’s life, I am overjoyed, amazed, and closer to a full night’s sleep (in 12 years). But really, the phrase that turns … Continue reading

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Bring on the macaroni necklace

There are things I know I’ll love even before I’ve tried them. Things like: white chocolate cheesecake, swimming in the waters of Fiji, or white chocolate cheesecake. There are things I know I won’t love even before I’ve tried them. … Continue reading

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Yodeling magic

When I was a kid, before there was Barney, The Wiggles, and Bruno Mars, there was Julie Andrews. This is why I decided to play some classic Mary Poppins tuneage for my 8-month-old—but he was none too impressed. There was … Continue reading

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Diaper changing at 32,000 feet

Once you get the hang of it, changing a diaper can be a fast, fun, and easy process! All you need to enjoy this undertaking is a diaper, some wipes, and a baby. And viola! With some practice you too … Continue reading

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Sleep like a baby

Pre-mom, the phrase, “Sleep like a baby,” convinced me that babies sleep soundly. ALL. THE. TIME. I mean, where’s the lie in the phrase “A penny saved is a penny earned.” Or “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.” Or … Continue reading

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Baby brain

Before I became a preggo, I remember hearing people talk about it. They explained “baby brain” to me as a forgetful affliction that only affected mommies and mommies-to-be. At the time, being a mom of only furry, big nosed kids … Continue reading

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Well, poop

The books I read (okay, book) never really mentioned it. Now I know why. You see, once you have the baby, there’s no turning back. We mothers are already totally in love, and suddenly the grossest of things no longer … Continue reading

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Holiday memories

Well, we made it through the holidays! We flew cross country together, braved below-freezing temperatures together, and opened presents together—twice (once at my family’s house and once with my husband’s family). It was our Little One’s first Christmas, and we … Continue reading

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Baby’s first tooth

To My Baby’s First Tooth, Greetings. I’d like to take this opportunity to formally introduce myself. I am your mother. Well, not so much your mother as I am mother to the mouth in which you are now making an … Continue reading

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Helpful holiday tips

These days, things around my house don’t always get done in a timely fashion. Every couple of weeks I am digging through my underwear drawer pulling out my preggo-sized panties because I’ve forgotten that laundry needs to be done. So, … Continue reading

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The holiday stain

There were things I told myself I would never do as a mom: 1. Never let my baby sleep in the bed with us. Clearly, this would make him want to sleep in our bed until his senior prom, thus … Continue reading

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Same page parenting

There are more parenting styles out there than there are Reality TV shows on Bravo. Like each stylish Housewife of Wherever, each family has its own particular parenting style that works for them, and each family, mom, dad, and dog … Continue reading

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Firsts

From the floor of the kitchen, The Kid sits there smiling like he’s been sitting up on his own for his whole little life. SITTING UP?! I marvel at how it seems like over night his balance has caught up … Continue reading

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Cracking the croup

It’s not that I’m a germ-a-phobe. It’s just that I don’t like them crawling all over my baby. Sitting in the tiny bathroom, we both stare at the water pouring out of the shower-head. The Kid stares more out of … Continue reading

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What I’ve learned: Six months

I can’t believe it. Normally, I use that phrase when making more off-handed comments, like acid-washed jeans suddenly make a comeback or Snooki’s novel becomes a New York Times bestseller. Yet today, this phrase has all the weight and meaning … Continue reading

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Infant’s mother seeking father time

I’m a non-gym-membership-having mother of one who appreciates long walks on the beach (provided I don’t have to walk too far), candle-lit dinners that I can nap through, and reruns of Friends while using my breast pump. You might mistake … Continue reading

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My Grinch heart

I feel like the Grinch. Not because our protruding bellies match or because I’ve stolen a lot of little kids’ Christmas presents. Nope. It’s because of his heart. Without fail, at the end of that cartoon a cute dog wears … Continue reading

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Where, oh where has my sleeping kid gone

I can hear you. My Super Mom Hearing not only allows me to hear my baby crying from a completely different time zone, it also allows me to hear your giggling. I can hear you all, all you moms quietly … Continue reading

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How to make a bottle at 3:00 a.m.

A lack of sleep can confuse even the best of us. I thought I knew what it was to experience little or no sleep, but staying up to watch the Royal Wedding one night a couple years ago didn’t prepare … Continue reading

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Mom uniform

People with important jobs wear uniforms: Police Officers, Firemen, Baristas at Starbucks, and me. According to Oprah I have the most important job in the world, and who wants to argue with her? I am a Stay-At-Home Mom. I have … Continue reading

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Rollin’

I’m behind. I haven’t written in my baby journal for months (well, since the baby was born, really). I’ve missed jotting down those all-important milestones. I keep believing that I will have time later, and suddenly later arrives and I … Continue reading

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Breaking up with sleep

Dear Mr. Sandman, Since you won’t see me anymore, I’ve decided to write. I know you may not read this, but I really need to tell you some things, and this seemed to be the only way to get through. … Continue reading

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First 3 months: Top 10 things I learned

The task of birthing a baby is no small one. (Depending on how big your baby is, of course.) After nine months of waiting and waddling down the street, a tiny baby is placed in your arms, and we merry … Continue reading

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The big 3 months

We made it. I never doubted it for a second. Sure, there were moments when I sobbed uncontrollably because I had only gotten three hours of interrupted sleep. And, yes, my baby’s fresh-from-the-hospital-colic-induced-screaming left me feeling as helpless as Billy … Continue reading

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Pump it up (the story continues)

I think I understand what it’s like to be a guy. I haven’t started grilling or watching NASCAR, but I have become preoccupied with a certain part of the female anatomy. It’s embarrassing to admit, but a lot of my … Continue reading

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On the road again

This first year is a year of many firsts—first car rides, first words, first three months of no sleep. Not any less significant is my little one’s first plane ride. On his three-month birthday, he and I flew home to … Continue reading

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The kid has hands

My kid has hands. I first spotted them during my 12-week ultrasound, mainly because they were at the end of his arms. “Look! Our kid has hands!” I showed my husband on the black and white monitor. I remember it … Continue reading

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Sway it with Me

If you and I are in the midst of exchanging “Hello, I’ve just met you” pleasantries, your first impression of me might be that I am a performer on a cruise ship. This is not because of the large Vegas … Continue reading

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Enjoy it

Over the last two months, this particular phrase has been casually bandied* about like someone absent-mindedly reminding me to appreciate my chocolate cake from Claim Jumper. (Like I need a reminder to do that!) Strangers that see me with my … Continue reading

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The yeast of our worries

I’m obsessed with clean nipples—bottle nipples, not my own. Although, if it helped, I would stick my own nipples into the sterilizer—I think they are numb enough now that they might not notice their boiling hot steam cleaning. Yet, even … Continue reading

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The only thing constant is motherhood

The only thing constant is change—and motherhood. I’m astonished to discover that along with my pregnancy weight not magically melting away, I can’t find a single tiny moment that is just me. Even when my husband steps in to relieve … Continue reading

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Bouncing baby boy

Dear Mother, I hope this letter finds you in good health. I understood that yesterday you were feeling fatigued—as your unkempt hair looked like something out of a Poison music video. But I digress: I’m writing to you today because … Continue reading

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“Don’t go in the water.”

My 7-week-old snuck downstairs to watch TV. There can be no other explanation. One night after my husband and I passed out from the exhaustion of rocking, yoga ball bouncing, and rocking (our baby, not each other), little E must … Continue reading

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Post pardon me

I can’t take it down. It’s been sitting there for months, and I still I can’t do it. Perhaps I need to call in a professional (like my mother) to come in and remove it for me. It’s just that … Continue reading

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Look, Ma, one hand!

I’ve never been what you might call “coordinated.” My first clue (other than falling down a lot), was being picked last for kickball. I suppose I wasn’t really shocked. Deep down I knew I wasn’t the best kicker. Or the … Continue reading

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Baby bubble

I’m living in a bubble. It’s not a real plastic bubble like the one 1970’s Welcome Back Kotter John Travolta lived in while filming his riveting made-for-TV movie The Boy in the Plastic Bubble. My bubble isn’t nearly as well … Continue reading

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Nipple confusion confusion

I counted. It’s true. In the last five days, more people have touched my boobs than I’ve had boyfriends. I’ve been manhandled by many a lactation aid with man-hands, and the strangest part is—I don’t care. Where once I wouldn’t … Continue reading

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Where’s my baby manual?

I must have left it at the hospital, because I can’t find it anywhere. It’s not in my stack of discharge papers. It’s not in my suitcase. It’s not mixed in with our heap of stolen hospital baby blankets. It’s … Continue reading

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The labor of delivery

“She didn’t do drugs in college,” my sister informed my parents. The voice inside my head that says things like Don’t eat that whole bag of Reese’s Pieces and That outfit makes your butt look big or You really shouldn’t make toast … Continue reading

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Sleeping with my husband

Sleeping with my husband is never boring. (Sorry, Dad.) I believe this is because he’s always so on top of keeping our nighttime relationship fresh and exciting. His way of thinking hasn’t stopped even with this bowling ball-like protrusion where … Continue reading

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Barefoot and pregnant

I am Cinderella’s ugly stepsister. (The pretty one.) It’s not an easy admission to make, but I can’t escape the truth. Since my sixth month of pregnancy, every time I try on my shoes I feel like an evil stepsister … Continue reading

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Fixed and dilated

I blame George Clooney. Not for the big things like world hunger, global warming, and acid washed jeans. No. I blame him for E.R. reruns. It’s his fault for making me watch them. If I hadn’t been so intrigued by … Continue reading

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