Six tricks for kicking your sex drive back into gear—plus a few reasons not to feel guilty for not feeling the love.
It’s just plain true: Pregnancy rarely leaves your sex life unaffected. So if you feel like your sex life could use a makeover, you’re not alone. Far from it, actually—you wouldn’t believe how many moms jumped at the chance to talk about their sexual woes post-pregnancy and how they overcame them. Here are some of the best tips for getting your sex life back to rocking-mode.
[tip 1:] No opportunity wasted.
One friend (who walks around with that constant good-sex-life glow) says she coordinates her daughter’s naps with her husband’s lunch schedule for this very reason. If the opportunity presents itself, take it—sex doesn’t always have to take place behind closed doors after the sun goes down.
[tip 2:] Play it up.
There’s a lot to be said for a little anticipation. Sweet notes, dirty emails—whatever works for you and your partner, play it up all day to make what is to come that much better.
[tip 3:] Set the mood.
For some people it’s candles and flowers; for others, it might be toys and handcuffs. The mood you’re going for is sexy, so consider opting for a little lingerie (or at least take off the milk-stained tee) and embracing your inner sex goddess—we’ve all got one.
[tip 4:] Ease into it.
Sex post-baby hurts. One friend admits it took a full six months before she could make love without holding her breath the entire time. Often all it takes is a little lubricant to get things going, since the hormonal upheaval that you’re going through can zap natural lubrication and make intercourse pretty uncomfortable. Other things to try: Spend more time on foreplay and climb on top so you have more control.
[tip 5:] Get away.
Sometimes, you just need a little rejuvenation. Best case scenario: Spend a night (or even better, a weekend) away, even if it’s just down the road from the baby-sitter’s house. When you’re alone with no laundry, no ringing phone and no baby to tend, you’ll end up focusing on each other. If you can’t swing a whole night, at least go out to dinner or a movie by yourselves so you can be “real” adults for awhile. Almost every mom I know swears two kid-free hours can do wonders for lackluster libido.
[tip 6:] Just do it.
I know, I know, you don’t feel like it. But if you play along, you’re probably going to end up having a pretty good time. You certainly don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to—but if you’re never in the mood, it might not hurt to just see what happens once things get going. Sex can be very relaxing. And almost everybody sleeps better after a good bout in bed, so why not just do it? You might end up glad that you did.