Counting down

It’s not called “labor” for nothing: Those last hours of pregnancy can be pretty awful. And that’s why Mother Nature has developed tactics to make sure we won’t want to delay delivery.

I know that labor and delivery will be messy, exhausting and painful, but at this point, I’m so willing to go through it again just so I don’t have to be pregnant anymore. It was cute and fun a couple months ago; now, not so much.

I don’t want to appear ungrateful—I know some moms-to-be have it so much worse—but all the little discomforts just seem to add up to one terribly unpleasant whole. From top to bottom, my body is complaining:

• My face is about twice its normal width—this happened gradually, but pictures don’t lie.
• Heartburn has set in as an unfriendly companion whether I’ve just eaten or not.
• My belly is tired of stretching and affecting my digestive tract.
• I know my posture is overextended, but there are only so many options when you’re carrying a bowling ball strapped to your front.
• I can’t go more than 90 minutes without visiting the restroom. And it’s a slow, awkward duck-walk to get there.
• The hips ache at nighttime, especially because I can’t seem to keep a pillow between my knees while I’m tossing and turning.
• My knees aren’t interested in supporting all this extra weight.
• Swelling has seriously set in all over, but especially in my hands, ankles and feet, which have ballooned out to cartoon-like proportions.

I know, I know, at least I’m not on bed rest or experiencing real complications, but maybe some of you can relate to these everyday aches and pains. When maternity clothes are too small, it’s time for a change, I think …

BTW, woman in picture is not me. Good luck finding a recent shot of my bloated bod. Ha!