12 big, fat parenting lies
Written by Lacey Major on Nov 24, 2008
These old wives’ tales aren’t just untrue, they’re also spectacularly bad advice.
One thing you’ll find as a new parent is that everyone has an opinion about how you should take care of your baby—your mom, your neighbor, the woman in line next to you at the supermarket. Here’s the skinny on 12 passed-around parenting myths that you can safely ignore. (If only it were so easy to brush off those well-intentioned comments about your baby weight!)
1. You’ll spoil your baby if you pick him up every time he cries. Newborns aren’t capable of being manipulative—if your baby is crying it’s because he needs something. Meeting his needs won’t turn him into a brat.
2. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world. OK, maybe it’s natural, but that sure doesn’t mean that it’s easy. Breastfeeding is possibly the hardest thing that new moms face. The good news? It’s totally worth all the hard work.
3. You’ll look exactly like you used to if you stay in shape while expecting. You might weigh the same or get back down to the same clothing size, but your body will never be exactly the same after pregnancy, particularly your breasts and hips. On a good note, though, some people find that when it’s all said and done, they look even better than they did before.
4. Parenting comes naturally. Most moms love their babies automatically, but that doesn’t mean that they have any idea what to do with them. It takes a little time for all of us to feel as though we really “get” it.
5. Pacifiers are evil. If your baby is one of those whose need to suck is not met by breast or bottle alone, a pacifier is like a gift from the heavens. As long as they kick the habit at a reasonable age, pacifier addiction is not the end of the world. In fact, it even helps reduce your child’s SIDS risk.
6. Bottle-fed babies are fat and stupid. Were you breastfed? What about your doctor? Your college professors? Albert Einstein? It’s great if breastfeeding works for you, but if doesn’t, nobody’s going to know in two years whether you did it or not unless you tell them.
7. Parents make their children who they are. Kids are born with personalities as diverse as adults’ —as a parent, you can and will mold and shape your child, but you will not change his personality. Some babies cry more than others, some smile at everyone they see and some refuse to even look at other people. However your child turns out (which will be perfect, of course), embrace who she is and don’t feel guilty if she doesn’t fit some kind of “happy baby” mold.
8. Babies eat every four hours. Bottle-fed babies will probably get onto a four-hour schedule pretty quickly, but breastfed babies tend to eat much more frequently—and all babies eat pretty much when they want to. Oh, and those eight hour stretches of sleep at night? Ten years and two kids later, I still feel as though I’ve hit the jackpot when I get one.
9. You forget how bad labor really hurts. I’m not going to dwell on it because you probably don’t need to hear it, but I’m just saying: I haven’t forgotten.
10. Having a baby makes your relationship stronger. It might in the long run, but most couples go through a rough patch after the birth of a new baby. It’s normal to argue with your spouse more than usual and to feel angry and resentful towards him, particularly if he’s running out the door to work every morning for hot lunches and adult conversations and you haven’t even managed to shower in three days. The important thing is to keep communication open and remember that it is going to get easier.
11. You can resume “normal” sexual relations in six weeks. Physically, you might be able to, but emotionally? Give a new mom an extra hour in bed and she’s going to sleep—and rightfully so. The passion will reignite in time, but it’s probably not going to happen in six weeks.
12. Parents make the rules, not the kids. In theory, yes. And there are definitely some rules, such as safety rules, that parents absolutely must make and enforce. But as for the rules like, “Your child’s clothes have to match” or “Every baby needs to be weaned at 12 months”—those are usually negotiable. As my dad always says, pick your battles—and try to pick ones that you actually might win.
How clean do you really need to be?
Written by Kathy Dobbs on Oct 15, 2008
Housecleaning takes on a whole new significance when you’ve got a new baby. KATHY DOBBS takes time away from procrastinating on her own housework to clear things up.
Housework seems to be a battle that I’m constantly losing. If I actually find the time to clean between working, playing and running back and forth to various events and lessons, my kids/dog/husband are wrecking one room while I’m scrubbing down another, so I can never get the entire house completely clean. It’s very frustrating, as I’m sure most moms can attest.
So this raised a question in our office—how clean do you really have to be? Is a newborn at risk if he lives in a slightly less-than-sterile environment? After doing some research, we were happy to hear that babies who come home to crazy, busy houses are likely to turn out just as healthy as their super-clean-housed neighbors. Here’s what you need to know to make sure that your kids are healthy and safe in their environment —and if, like me, you’re a little domestically challenged, you’ll probably be pleased with the news.
The good news
Turns out you don’t have to be a perfect housekeeper to have healthy kids. Which is good to know, since children have the uncanny knack of finding the dirtiest spot to play or the most disgusting thing to put in their mouth. There is some evidence that shows that exposure to germs may play a useful role in building your child’s immune system—the more germs he is exposed to, the more natural immunities he’ll build up. So while he might have more colds as a baby, he’ll likely be healthier in the long run.
What’s really important
There’s no need to panic if your baby catches a cold, but you don’t want him to get sick either. Ari Brown, MD, pediatrician and co-author of Baby 411: Clear Answers and Smart Advice for Your Baby’s First Year, advises that you ask well-wishers who are feeling poorly to save their visit until they’re well. Small babies are more susceptible to infection due to their immature immune systems, so you should be especially vigilant for the first six to eight weeks of your baby’s life.
It’s also wise to practice frequent hand washing, especially after bathroom visits or diaper changes or after handling uncooked food. (And no, it’s not rude to ask people to wash their hands before holding your newborn, as long as you do so politely.)
The kitchen is one place where you need to play it extra safe. (Here’s a scary number: the average dishcloth can contain as many as 4 billion living germs!) “Keep bottles and pacifiers off the kitchen counter where food is being prepared,” Dr. Brown recommends. Since kitchen floors tend to get a little germy as well, sweeping up at the end of the day and mopping occasionally should keep it clean enough for contact. Bathrooms are another germ-grabber, so try to keep yours clean by scrubbing with a strong cleanser once a week.
What’s less important
I gave up trying to prevent my children from eating off the floor a long time ago. (I don’t let them have their meals right there on the hardwood, but if they drop a grape and then pop it in their mouths, I don’t panic.) Do beware of food that has previously been chewed, falls into a wet spot or is dropped outside. However, there will probably come a day when your child will eat dirt or something equally disgusting, so you shouldn’t be overly worried. Contact with animals is also not a huge concern, as long as they are healthy, domesticated animals.
The big picture
“Some parents go overboard when they have a newborn in the house,” says Dr. Brown. “It’s a good idea to be aware and clean, but don’t go crazy.” She recommends periodically cleaning all surfaces in the home with standard cleaning products that contain bleach. “Think about phones, computers, doorknobs—all those things that you frequently touch but might forget about when you’re cleaning.”
The bottom line: don’t be lazy, but don’t overdo it either. As long as you use common sense and practice good basic hygiene, your baby is going to be just fine, even if you’re not winning any Good Housekeeping awards.
No Comments6 Essential tips for surviving the first year
Jul 16, 2008
The first
year with a new baby can feel a bit like running a marathon: you’re chronically
exhausted, you’re not sure what lies around the next bend and the finish line
is nowhere in sight. Follow GINNY BUTLER’s 6-step pathway to success, and turn
that uphill battle into a cakewalk.
1. Accept
a helping hand
Enjoy the
TLC of friends and family, because the favors won’t last forever. There is no
glory in doing it all yourself, so share the load when someone volunteers to
sit with your baby while you nap or brings you a homemade meal to give you a
night free from dinner-duty. Allowing others to take part in the new-baby
transition can strengthen your bonds with friends and family; just remember to
return the favor when someone else needs a hand. Get your partner involved by
allowing and, if necessary, encouraging him to change diapers, take a turn
rocking the baby to sleep or participate in bottle-feeding. He will form his
own bond with your newborn and thus be more willing to help out in the future.
Be honest with him about your limits: household responsibilities may need to be
redistributed, or you may seek outside help in the form of lawn service or
housekeeping.
2.
Don’t forget to sleep.
One of
the hardest adjustments with a new baby is the exhausting late night (and
midnight and early morning) routine. Consider keeping your baby in your bedroom
at night—at least in the beginning—to make feedings easier on you. (Stairs can
be a real hazard when you’re half asleep at 2 a.m.!) Also, if possible, share
nocturnal wake-up calls with your partner. The National Sleep Foundation
recommends, “Sharing baby care to the fullest extent possible, especially
during the night, is important for the mother’s health, safety, performance and
vitality.” If you don’t get in a healthy 8 hours, try to squeeze in a few power
naps during the day while your baby is dozing.
3. Keep
your favorite moms on speed dial.
Early
motherhood is a great time to strengthen relationships with your own mom and
other mom-friends. You can finally relate to the joys, laughs and struggles of
early motherhood! Because your mom has firsthand experience with a baby of a
similar genetic code (you!), she may be able to give priceless advice on what
worked for her. Friends who have had babies more recently will be able to
discuss current baby-raising techniques. Don’t know any moms? No problem! It’s
not hard to find support groups for new moms or breastfeeding moms. Ask your
doctor or lactation consultant for a referral, or just strike up a conversation
with another new mom at the supermarket. There are also online mom networks for
those middle-of-the-night questions; try CafeMom.com or MomsSource.com. It’s
important to have someone to talk to who can truly relate to the daily task of
mothering (but thanks for trying, hubby!). Keeping up with a group of moms
allows you to maintain a social life while comparing parenting notes with
contemporaries.
4. Read
to succeed.
Guess
what—you’re not the first person to have a baby! No matter what question or
problem you’re facing, chances are someone has written about it. Now that your
baby has arrived, clear those baby name books out of your bookcase and make
room for baby-raising favorites. Any mom can give you recommendations, and new
titles are coming out almost constantly. Invest in a few humorous mom-written
books on motherhood, too —they might not tell you how to cure diaper rash, but
they’ll definitely cure a gloomy spirit.
5.
Don’t stress over milestones.
For your
baby’s health and your own peace of mind, schedule regular checkups to verify
that your baby is in the healthy range for weight, social skills and motor
development. Other than these health basics, don’t lose sleep over missed or
delayed milestones. It’s easy to panic if your baby isn’t rolling, crawling or
babbling by the average age, but most doctors will tell you that “normal” fills
a much wider range than you think. Your baby’s unique timeline doesn’t
necessarily indicate future performance or personality. There are so many
variables that affect a child’s rate of progress, but the differences don’t add
up to much in the end. An early walker isn’t any more likely to be a track star
than a late walker, and vice versa.
6. Have
fun!
Enjoy
getting to know your baby. While it may seem that the busy feeding schedule and
late nights will last forever, they really won’t! And when your little one
paints the wall with urine, laugh it off; the endorphins are good for you. Bask
in the glow of motherhood—you have brought a new life into the world, and every
day you share with him contributes to his future well-being and shapes his
sense of self. So relax and congratulate yourself on your great achievement! While
baby will occupy much of your time, don’t lose your own identity in the
process. Keep your love life alive by hiring a babysitter now and then to get
out for some quality one-on-one time with your honey. Make time for the things
that are important to you: work, exercise, social time or whatever makes you
feel like you.
1 Comments
Moms can still be loving and perfect mothers while getting back on the career track. Try these tips for making the transition a little smoother.
