Have a Holly, Jolly Holiday... With Cash to Spare!
Written by Lissa Poirot on Nov 24, 2008
Money’s tight, but you don’t have to celebrate the holidays like Ebenezer Scrooge. Lissa Poirot brings you ways to channel Santa without breaking the bank.
Oh, the joys of being pregnant! So many adorable little layettes to buy! So many cute trinkets to decorate the adorable little nursery! So many new outfits, courtesy of an expanding belly! And so much money being spent on all these goodies—not to mention co-pays to the doctor every month, a looming hospital bill, 12 weeks of maternity leave that may go unpaid or possibly a transition from working woman to SAHM. With a new addition eating all of your cash, how will you manage the gift-giving season? Let us count the ways!
Budget. OK, so this seems like an obvious way to watch your spending, but how many times have you been out shopping and said, “Oooh! She’ll just love that!” without any regard to the price tag? Review your finances and understand what you can afford to spend without feeling a pinch. Most important: stick to it!
Make a list and check it twice. Make a list of all the people you need to buy for this year, and divide your budget by the total number of gifts you need to buy. Don’t forget to leave room for those unexpected items you’ll need for an office secret Santa gift or a neighbor’s last-minute holiday open house.
Avoid plastic. It’s easy to forget how much money you’re actually spending when you swipe a credit or debit card through a machine. With credit, you’ll be hit with interest charges come January —oftentimes as high as 22 percent! And even when you use a debit card, the flow of money from your pocket doesn’t resonate as much as it does as when you use cash and watch it literally shrink in size in your wallet.
Shop early. No pregnant woman should have to endure Black Friday, but shopping early means you have time to find gifts within your price range. If you’re shopping for 10 people on Christmas Eve, desperation will set in and you’ll buy what you can find just to get the job done. Last-minute shopping also means you’ll pay more to have items shipped to arrive in time.
Buy yourself a present. It’s hard not to see something you like for yourself when shopping, but if you buy yourself something at every turn, you’ll throw your budget into a tailspin. However, adding yourself to your list gives “permission” to buy yourself a treat and prevents impulse purchases, helping you scope out something you truly want and still stay within your budget.
Avoid traps. Buy two, get one free! Sounds like a great deal, but remember that all sales are not actually bargains. Gifts don’t need to be on sale; they just need to fall into your budget. Don’t be fooled into buying something you didn’t plan to buy just because the price was reduced.
Going It Alone
Oct 15, 2008
These days, successful, smart women are becoming mothers—and they’re doing it without a man in sight. Whether they choose to procreate and put the right steps in motion or simply find themselves expecting and decide to make a go of it, the single gal is embracing parenthood and relying on her friends and families to make it work. Here are some tips for successful solo parenting.
Tip 1: Find your support group Sarah Barber wasn’t surprised when her boyfriend of 2 years told her that he was bowing out of their unplanned pregnancy. “He didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby. And after going through all the stages of grief, anger and fear, I just came to terms with it and realized that in the long run, I was the one getting the better deal.” What pulled Sarah through her tough time? Her mom and her best friend, Natalie, who held her hand through the sonograms, contractions and first few weeks at home with baby Milo.
While the majority of the people around you will probably be supportive and happy for you when you announce your new addition, there are always those that will be overwhelmingly negative. Prepare yourself for less-than-supportive questions and comments. (“Do you know how much it costs to raise a child?” “I believe that children need two parents in the home.” “Have you really thought this through?”) As a mom-to-be, the best move you can make is to fully embrace your pregnancy and be excited about your impending arrival. If someone is just determined to make your life miserable by pointing out all the negatives, don’t talk to them until they have something positive to say. There’s no rule that says you have to listen to people who aren’t supportive of your decisions, especially if they are making you doubt your abilities as a parent.
Tip 2: Know what you’re getting into
As a single parent, it falls on you to figure out pretty much everything: maternity leave, childcare options, your insurance plan, doctor’s appointments and anything else that comes up. The best way to successfully handle all this is to get educated. Talk to the HR department at your office about your insurance policy and exactly how long you can take for maternity leave; start saving your sick and personal days, if you can use them as part of your leave (ensuring a little income in your absence); and learn about the Family Medical Leave Act and find out if it is an option for you.
If you know that you will need a nice chunk of change to cover your labor and delivery, go ahead and start saving now.
Talk to family and friends for OB or midwife and pediatrician recommendations, and make sure that you settle on someone you’re happy with, in both cases—they will be a big part of your life in the coming months and years. A supportive midwife or OB is essential in any pregnancy, but perhaps even more so in one that is mommy-only. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for what you need, whether it’s financial help or emotional support—you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby.
Tip 3: Believe in yourself
“I wasn’t sure if I could handle having a baby on my own, but I really wanted to be a mom and I didn’t want to wait on some illusive perfect man to come along and make all my dreams come true,” says single mom Ansleigh Sheppard. “Finally I just decided that I was going to do it, no turning back, and I have never made a better decision in my life.” There are so many reasons for parenting on your own to be intimidating. Ansleigh worried about “money, energy, time, even whether a child would ruin my chances of ever getting married.” It’s easy to question your decision to become a single mom, but try to stay focused on the positive. Instead of thinking about what you might not have, focus on all that you’ll be gaining with the birth of a little person who will love you unconditionally. Children are expensive, time-consuming and exhausting, but have you ever heard a mother say that she wishes she never had children? Probably not. The positives just outweigh the negatives, hands down. Single moms are good moms, too, and don’t ever let anyone tell you any differently.
Tip 4: Lean on your friends
No one should have to go through pregnancy and childbirth alone. You’ll probably know who you want as your stand-in partner as soon as you see the positive line on your pregnancy test. For a lot of people it’s a mother or a best friend, or maybe a whole group of people who stand behind you and believe in you. Being a single parent doesn’t mean being all alone in the world. It simply means that your family might look a little different than most.
A brother, father or a close friend can be a strong, positive male influence in your family, and your best friend or aunt can serve as an extra surrogate parent who provides your child with love and support. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and the fact that yours is shaping up to be a step away from the norm is something you should teach your child to embrace. Surround him with family and friends that love him, and he’ll feel like the luckiest little guy on the planet.
However you approach single parenting, don’t try to do it all on your own. Reach out and ask for help and allow the people you love the opportunity to get to know and love your child—you’ll be amazed at how good life with kids really is, a steady partner by your side or not.
1 CommentsThe Great Date Debate
Written by Shea Long on Jul 16, 2008
It's hard enough to squeeze in time for a shower, much less a romantic evening full of adult conversation and giddy gazes. SHEA LONG offers up advice on making time for that person who still gives you butterflies.
It's easy to forget to take time for you and your partner when all you can think about are feeding schedules and diaper changes. The love you have for your child is unquestionable, but remember that making time for you and your significant other in no way makes you selfish—after all, you were a sultry lover long before you were a hot mama, right? A happy home is a healthy home, and nurturing your relationship will only fortify that oh-so-important credo.
Mom seeks sitter
Some of the best love advice we can give new parents is to take advantage of any family or friends offering to watch your baby. Seriously, if you’re lucky enough to have a resource of free babysitters, don't feel guilty for using their services! There is no shame in accepting help and it gives granny and gramps a chance to bond with your child while you get to reignite your bond with your partner. If you find yourself in a situation where family and friends aren't exactly lining up to give you a day off from mommy duty, try trading off date nights with someone in your playgroup or with a trusted mommy friend. If all else fails, take the money you'll need for a babysitter out of your "date budget"—you may have to downgrade from that five-star restaurant to a sexy night at Denny’s, but trust us, you'll appreciate a night off wherever it maybe.
Date planning
Try to remember the things you and your guy did together when it was just the two of you. Although you may not be up for reliving every night spent at the bar during college or the crazy parties you threw in your first apartment together, it might be fun to revisit places you used to go when you first started dating.Get coffee from a local hangout or catch your favorite band when they come to town—it really doesn't matter what you do, as long as you are making an effort to spend quality time together. On that note, try talking about things that don’t revolve around your new addition, too. It’ll be hard, but it’s important to forget about infant-oriented topics for a while and mentally connect with the person you adore. (Plus, discussing leaky nipples and dirty diapers on a date is so not hot!)
Homebody
If you find yourself stuck at home, your nest is the perfect place for a date! Of course, there is always something to be done, but disregard the distractions—we promise, those bottles in the sink won't mind if you ignore them for another hour. While your little one is napping, surprise your significant other with a full picnic set up in the dining room. Or, leave little love notes scattered throughout the house that hint at a steamy rendezvous after baby's bedtime.You’ll be surprised how these "mini-dates" can add to your relationship.
Single and ready to mingle
Let’s face it—dating is hard no matter what your situation. The idea of putting yourself out there and opening up to someone new is enough to keep you home in the comfort of your pj’s watching Love Actually—add a baby to that mix and dating can be downright terrifying. Although it may be easier to imagine the love you desire set to music on the silver screen, nothing will happen if you don’t take a chance.
Don't be afraid to get back out there and date if you have a child. Dating with kids is definitely a challenge, but finding your Mr. Wonderful might actually be easier once a baby is in tow—becoming a parent allows you to reprioritize and get to know yourself a little better, which in turn gives you a better idea of what you’re looking for in a life partner. Always be mindful of interaction between your honey and your little ones—it's hard to explain to a child why your guy is no longer in the picture, so you might want to wait until you’re pretty sure the relationship is going to take off before bringing him home to meet the crew.
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