Worklust

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for about 11 months now. I love spending time with my little boy: overseeing his naps and meals, watching him explore his environment, and bringing him out into the world. Lately, though, the thought of returning to work has crossed my mind. I knew I’d go back eventually, but I thought it would be in a few years, once Rowan starts school. So I was caught off guard when the itch to return to the workforce crept up on me.
Shortly after that, guilt began settling in. My mind started to turn on me and question the motivation behind the idea. Why would you want to go back to work? Don’t you feel fulfilled staying home with your son? You’re lucky to be in the position to choose, so why not take advantage? All of my answers led me to the same conclusion – being a stay-at-home mom is isolating, and I want an outlet that connects me back to who I was before Rowan came along.
The extra income wouldn’t hurt, but my real reasons for wanting to go back to work are purely personal. I miss my coworkers. I miss having responsibilities outside of the family. I miss that part of my identity. I’d love to be able to contribute more to a conversation than Rowan’s latest milestones and sleep schedule.
I’m still trying to convince myself that these feelings aren’t selfish. I know how lucky I am to witness every waking moment with my son, and I love it. So why would I want to take time away from him to do something else?
The pros and cons and logistics of me returning to work part-time are still being considered. I don’t want to rob Rowan or myself of these early years together, but I don’t want to ignore the feelings I’m having either.
At the end of the day, I know this is a first-world problem—and one I’m lucky to have.