I am freaking out just a bit. I guess the best way to handle such a sticky situation is simply to write about it. So here goes:
I woke up yesterday in a sheer panic. A panic that’s the result of the fact that Braxton will be here in a month and a half and I am scared to death about actually delivering him. (Don’t get me wrong. I am also scared about what to do with him once he gets here, but that’s taking a back seat to my current giving birth dread.)
I know women have been doing this for thousands of years (in caves, even), but the problem lies in the fact that I, personally, have never done this before. And there you have the truth as plain as the paper (uh, computer) this is written on: The real reason I am a basket case is fear—fear of the unknown.
Though I still have a lot to learn about this life, one thing I know for sure is that preparation is the best way to ease unnecessary worries. So maybe this dose of panic that I am currently feeling is a healthy thing because it’s caused me to make sure I get everything in order for Braxton’s birth day.
We start our birthing classes in a couple of weeks and I really am excited about them. I can’t wait to learn even more about the delivery process, breathing techniques, breastfeeding and how to care for a newborn. We will even get to tour the hospital … Oh wait, did my freaking out lead you to believe I was partaking in some heroic act of home birth? Wrong. I am scared to death of even the most regular of birth plans—OB/GYN, full medical staff, epidural—so any thoughts of experiencing the miraculous feat of our bodies giving birth the way God intended has been reserved for fate, or a time when I am not so quick to hyperventilate or at least until our next babe is on the way.
Thankfully, I’m at the age where I am surrounded by family and friends that have just went through delivery themselves. So yesterday, in the middle of my breakdown, I was able to ask my friend to detail every exact moment of her birthing process—start to finish—so that I could mentally prepare to the best of my ability. She was able to answer all of my questions. Even ones like “How do you know when to push?” and “Will I be able to do this?” She was able to calm my woes in just a few minutes. That’s what’s so good about my job as well. Everyone that I consider an expert in pregnancy and childbirth just so happen to sit only a few feet away and they are always open and welcoming with their experiences and opinions. Though I haven’t been able to click on those birth story TV shows or documentaries just yet, I have been reading every single one of the stories on our Birth Day blog. The stories—your stories—have been inspiring, intriguing and thought-provoking. They always make me cry and they really do calm my fears. The best part of reading them is the knowledge that at the end of the journey, I will get to hold the best little guy in the whole world and actually see his little face and hold his little hands. That sentiment alone will make the task of giving birth an easy one. We can do this.
Lots of love,