It’s a little surreal to be writing these words, but the time is nearly here. My life as a single unit, free of anyone else’s say-so, is nearing an end. I’m 39 weeks today—39 big ones! I had my appointment earlier this week, and the doc told me there is no progress yet. He gave me some tips to move her along, and asked if I had ever considered being induced. I declined because I’ve heard it could draw out labor, and really, I’m OK with her hanging out right where she is for a bit longer.
People keep asking, “Oh, aren’t you so ready?” And I keep answering hesitantly, “Well … no … not exactly.” Yes, I want to meet my girl, but I have enjoyed my time being pregnant (post-sciatic nerve pain), and parts of me just don’t want to give it up. I also realize, so much may change from writing this (on Wednesday) by next Wednesday, her due date.
I’ve really been trying to soak up these final days before mommyhood with friends and Darrin. We had taco Tuesday, and our buds Emily and Devin came over to the house to make dinner and watch “House Hunters” reruns. I went with Stefanie and Chris for pizza and then Morelli’s for their famous Salted Caramel ice cream. Darrin and I have been spending a lot of quality time together, cleaning and prepping for baby girl. I keep looking at him and thinking this will be one of our last times together, just us two. It’s wonderful and a little emotional all at once.
A week from now, there will be a little teaspoon added to ‘big spoon and little spoon’ while watching TV on the couch. I just can’t believe it’s so close. I don’t think I really realized until recently how different life becomes with children. Even for those people who’ve always known this is what they want, I think it’s a big wake up call from what they might have expected. I will literally never be alone again. I will become a two-in-one deal,: a BOGO, if you will (that one is for Darrin). I will need to plan and sacrifice and put my own needs on the back burner.
As I see her now, dancing around in my belly, her little foot bulging on my left side, it is still so contained. When she’s here, really out here with us, that’s when the show really begins—and in my perspective, life really begins. Not to say my life wasn’t fulfilling without her, but my new life will begin, simultaneously with hers.
On the way to work a few mornings ago, I was flipping through radio stations and landed on a country one. Since it’s not my favorite genre, I went to change it but recognized the tune: “The south moves north, the north moves south, a star is born, a star burns out, the only thing that stays the same is everything changes, everything changes.” I was 12 years old when this song was popular, and it was my Papa’s favorite. I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately; he was one of my best friends before he passed away. His birthday is on September 7, two days before baby girl’s due date. Obviously, I had a mini meltdown in the car while I listened to the song, remember and missing my grandparents. The words to that old country song really resonated with me because they were spot on. The only thing that does stay the same in this life is that everything changes—for the better, for the worse, for all of it. And in the words of Tracy Lawrence, time marches on. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be all right. No, more than all right, because she’ll be here with us, our little teaspoon.