I don’t generally dress up for Halloween. So, when my 3-year-old asked me what I was going to be this season I told her, “tired.”
At the time, it seemed an accurate costume to represent being almost nine months pregnant and lacking severely in comfort and sleep. But, here are a few other ideas that suit my spherical shape:
Having my own gravitational pull, I could use Play-Doh for a moon or paper mâché asteroid belts to orbit me. Occasionally, I could spin, but not too much since my balance is about as graceful as a drunk hippo.
- Mike Wazowski
He’s basically just a third-trimester belly with legs with a huge eyeball. And a New York accent.
Not just painting my belly orange and decorating it with a Jack O’ Lantern face, but an actual pumpkin. Now that growing 2,000-pound pumpkins is in, I could actually enter myself into a pumpkin growing contest, middle-weight category.
A third-trimester belly looks just like rubber and nothing rolls better than things that are round and rubbery.
You can’t get any more protruding than a third-trimester belly, and what makes a better pupil than a popped out belly button?
- Captain America’s logo
An American bullseye that brings people’s eye right to your protruding belly button. This logo/belly combo also works as a shield for deflecting things. Like food, counter tops and very small children.
Because really, who doesn’t love cupcakes?
- Simon Says Game
“Be done being pregnant! Awwww, you didn’t say, ‘Simon Says.'”
This is what happens when I stand in front of the sun.
Why put any more effort into it than I have to?
I’m mostly too tired to dress up, so I’m going to go with number ten. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to find a number seven.