Week 25: First time mom naivete

As I prepare for motherhood, there’s a lot to think about. Will I be a good mom? Will my baby be happy? I’ve gotten heaps of both solicited (and unsolicited) advice on what it’s like to be a mom. I carefully read Amazon reviews for everything from infant toothbrushes to humidifiers; I pore over Baby Bargains to ensure I spend my dollars wisely; I obsessively garner all the latest research on SIDS. I’m doing all the typical first time mom activities to ensure that my baby is as happy and healthy as she can possibly be.
But there are a few things…a few nasty rumors I’m hearing, and they are tales of experience from veteran moms. Things like “I can’t remember the last time we had a date night,” or sentences that start with “Just wait until you…” When I hear woeful anecdotes that warn of the doomsday that will be my life once I’m a mom, I automatically shut down. I refuse to listen. I tell myself- and perhaps I am at fault here- that those things will not happen to me. I just smile and feel kind of sorry for the person telling me they don’t sleep because I will be different.
I crack myself up.
For posterity, I’ve collected a list of things that will never happen to me when I’m a mom. I’m sure I will look back on this list and laugh. First time moms-to-be, maybe you can relate. Experienced moms, I hope you get a good laugh out of this.

• I will still do my hair and makeup every day. She will sit in the bouncy seat while I fill in my eyebrows and flat iron my hair.
• I won’t be the mom with the screaming child in Target. She’ll be snug inside the Ergo baby carrier, happy and content.
• I won’t be strict about nap times and schedules. I will be the carefree mom who never declines social engagements due to nap time.
• I’ll cook dinner every night and it won’t be out of a box. We will continue to buy and consume fresh produce every week.
• My house will always be picked up. How hard can it be to throw a bunch of toys into the toy box and wipe down the counters?
• My car will not have Cheerios smashed into the seats. We will vacuum it every Saturday.
• We won’t be late to social engagements, or work, or church, or anything. I’ll begin getting both myself and the baby ready to go, hours in advance.
• I won’t call the pediatrician every time she has a sniffle. I won’t be a worrier.

Maybe the biggest lie that I tell myself, the one that all of these ideas stem from: I won’t change. Becoming a mom is terrifying in that you don’t know what you’re getting into. All the books that tell you “what to expect” are just a mere outline to be filled in by your own unique experiences. Fifteen weeks to go—eek! Can you tell I’m getting nervous?