Week 23: Keeping it real

I need to share this. I threw up out of my nose the other night. My husband made a lovely dinner: slow-cooked chicken in a homemade BBQ sauce on a fresh ciabatta bun, served alongside fresh grilled vegetables. It was delicious. However, about three-quarters of the way through the meal, I had the sudden urge to vomit. It was so sudden I knew I wouldn’t make it to the bathroom. So I ran and threw up in the kitchen trash can, in the middle of dinner, while my husband stared at me, fork in hand, presumably trying to figure out if I was joking (I wasn’t, unfortunately).
I need for the world to know that pregnancy is a terrifying, unpredictable experience. Yes, there are moments that it’s amazing: the ultrasounds; the little tap-tap-taps from the inside of my abdomen, reminding me that there is a beautiful life in there; buying those sweet little footie pajamas. But there are moments, such as this one, in which I don’t know how I am not lying in a pile on the ground, mourning the healthy, carefree days I once had.
Since the nausea and morning sickness have decided to hang around well past their welcome, I now have the lovely combination of acid reflux on top of morning sickness. The trouble with that is, in addition to extreme inconvenience of not being able to eat two hours before bedtime, is that the water I’m drinking to try to quell the nausea actually causes and worsens the acid reflux. It’s a lose-lose situation
I’ll share another enchanting anecdote: the other day I left work during my lunch hour to go get a smoothie. I was driving along, doing a simple errand, when I got the uncontrollable urge to vomit. In my car. I had nothing to get sick into, so since I work close to home, I made the decision to quickly stop at my house and vomit in the comfort of my own bathroom. I got so sick I never made it back to work that day. I texted my coworker what happened and asked her to shut my computer down. All I wanted was a smoothie! These are the things that I deal with on a regular basis.
During my entire first trimester, I had the comfort of people telling me “Don’t worry—in the second trimester you’ll get so much energy back, you won’t feel nauseous anymore,” etc …Unfortunately this has not been my experience. I’m terrified that in the third trimester I might have even less energy than I do now. Oh, did I mention we are moving in six weeks? So add one of life’s most stressful events into the most challenging physical condition imaginable and you basically have a brief synopsis of my life.
I know that the day I hold my little girl in my arms, this will all be a distant memory, but that’s not very convincing solace in the moment. You know what though? While this is one of the hardest seasons of my life, one of the most challenging times I’ve ever walked through, it is also one of the most exciting and anticipation-filled times in my life. My relationship with Dan, filled with changes as it may be, is changing and growing as we walk this new road together. I’m excited to see what’s next for us (and to see when the hell this morning sickness goes away).