So, at 20 weeks pregnant, I am officially halfway through my pregnancy. This is mind-boggling. Wasn’t it just last week that I was hugging the toilet everyday around 10:30 a.m.? Didn’t I just start complaining about the three-hour naps in the afternoon and still going to bed at 8:00 p.m.? Is that pee stick even dry yet?
But, here we are, halfway through our little girl’s gestation! I’ve learned a lot so far, but I know there’s plenty more to come. I’ve read that the second trimester is really the “blissful” part of pregnancy, and at this point, I have to agree. I’m feeling great, loving those sweet baby kicks and ready to nest my little heart and house out (Also, maybe my husband if I don’t tone it down a bit).
So to celebrate reaching 20 weeks (I seriously can’t believe this), here are 20 things pregnancy has taught me. (If pregnancy has not taught you these things, do not fret! This is just my own personal experience. End of disclaimer.)
- If you’ve ever wondered what a vampire looks like after devouring a fellow human, simply brush your teeth and smile in the mirror before spitting. Warning: Sparkly skin and Robert Pattison will not appear.
- Maternity clothes are the greatest things ever. EVER! They are comfortable and they are totally flattering to the baby bump and, ahem, the two other bumps you’re sporting a bit higher. Meow.
- You may be pregnant, but you will still feel totally overwhelmed while glancing at a ‘Baby Registry Checklist’. Can someone just come scan all of this stuff for me? Holy cow.
- Those movie/TV husbands that rush out of the door at 3 a.m. to get you your latest craving do not exist. I’ve tried.
- Do not eat a hot dog while watching The Business of Being Born. Just… don’t. OK?
- Those fruit comparisons your baby apps give you each week? Don’t try and find that fruit in the grocery. You’ll only want a smoothie (And still not understand how the baby was the size of a mango last week and now a banana?)
- Speaking of smoothies, they are the BEST. Ice-cold fruity concoctions are the BEST.
- You will wake up one night, at roughly 2 a.m., and freak completely out because ‘What if the washing machine breaks on her first night home? What if we run out of diapers? What if she refuses to nurse?’ This is normal. (Don’t wake up your husband. He will be less than reassuring at 2 a.m. and will only say things like, ‘Baby, it’s going to be okay’ when you just KNOW it’s not.)
- Also, that freak-out will end when she gives you a couple of baby kicks in the dark.
- And then you might freak-out because she kicks so well and what if she becomes an Olympic soccer star? You hate soccer.
- Naps are pretty fantastic.
- You will sweat in places you did not know were capable of sweating.
- You also now know how a turtle feels when it’s left on its back. (Saying ‘Heave HO!’ at the top of your lungs when you try and get out of bed is also pretty fun.)
- Your hands will always be on your belly. It’s like a magnet.
- It’s also a magnet for other people’s hands. If you’re not comfortable with that, speak up! Or at least ask them to buy you a smoothie first.
- You will also cry at every movie death, no matter if it’s a villain or not, because that character was once someone’s baby.
- You might have a tiny panic attack when you realize that, if you’re having a girl, her ovaries are already filled with eggs. Yep. You’re now carting around your daughter AND your grandchildren.
- Dry skin. Buy lots of lotion. Use it.
- Stretch marks … they’re either there or possibly coming. Embrace them, girl. You’re making a baby!
- You will find yourself contorting any way possible just to feel one more baby kick. Your husband will tell you that you’re going to regret that when she’s big enough to kick the mess out of your bladder and ribs, but shrug it off. She’s going to be an Olympic soccer star, remember? (Oy. Soccer. Maybe she’ll be a Rockette instead.)