This baby is already working in sync with my other two children—one from the inside and the other two from the outside—to give me a serious run for my money. So much so, that with 20 weeks of incubation time still left, I’m already excited about an overnight hospital stay, because it’s like a mini “me” vacation:
- No cooking.
- No dish washing.
- No laundry.
- Nurses to help with the baby.
- A baby who sleeps almost the entire hospital stay.
It’s like the Ritz Carlton, but instead of fluffy, fleece robes it’s tacky hospital gowns, mesh underpants, and maxi pads so thick you could absorb the entire Pacific Ocean in them.
Actually, the truth is that my hospital has amazing food. I know, you’re probably thinking: “Hospital food? Gross.” But this is different. It’s good food and I’m not just saying that because I’m a terrible cook have low standards (although I am, and I do).
I’m saying it because the food is excellent. Not Gordon Ramsay excellent, but totally exceeding Ronald McDonald excellent. The food is so good, that I’m already excited about giving birth just to order something I won’t have to cook or clean up—with an added bonus of someone bringing it to me. It’s like getting a small taste of royalty, except my clothes aren’t fashionable and I don’t have a British accent.
Immediately after delivering my second daughter, I asked for a beer. But, they just laughed at me and brought me a huge piece of chocolate cake instead. Which was fine because really, who doesn’t love cake?
Also, when you give birth you burn a ridiculous amount of calories. So, eating anything you want, as many times as you want, immediately after giving birth is the ultimate blessing. Since you burn so many calories, eating 40 actual cakes still wouldn’t replace all the calories you lost birthing your tiny human—who doesn’t feel tiny at all during the delivery process.
In conclusion, If you ate cake right after delivery you could very well lose weight. And, the only thing better than losing weight WHILE eating cake, is losing weight while eating two cakes—which is quite possible if you ate them during delivery.
So, yes, I long for the day of delivery. Not just to see and hold my newborn, but to also see the lady from the cafe magically appear at my door, with a tray of food I didn’t have to cook.
And for a day or two, I’ll let myself eat cake. Like royalty in a tacky hospital gown and mesh underpants.