Pregnant and paranoid

With three weeks and three days until Baby Jacob arrives, it’s official: I’m pregnant and paranoid.

The other morning, while playing Super Mario on the Wii with Tom (yeah, we’re clearly spending our remaining kid-less weeks wisely), I could have sworn that my water broke.

As I pounded on the controller trying to keep up with Tom’s Mario, I felt a definite feeling of warm wetness “down there.” Just as I was getting ready to launch into pregnant-lady panic mode, I realized that the hot tea I was drinking was dripping down the side of the cup and right onto my lap. (Incidentally, I kept Luigi alive during all this. )

This near-escalation was just one example of the paranoia that plagues all pregnant women in their remaining weeks of pregnancy: every ache, pain, and unusual bodily sensation is a sign that something *could* be happening. Before we move on, it DOES plague all pregnant women, right? I can’t be alone in this, can I? Someone? Anyone?! Hello?!? Are you out there?!?!?

Like I said, pregnant and paranoid.

At least a dozen times a day, I imagine that THIS sensation is the one tipping me off that Jacob is almost here. Never mind that I still have three weeks to go and first babies often come late. My neuroticism isn’t concerned about facts. It prefers possibilities. And, when you’re in the home stretch of pregnancy, every unusual feeling is a potential sign that Baby is on his way.

You can usually back this feeling up with a quick Google search. It’s almost a guarantee that someone, somewhere on the Web has experienced the same thing just prior to popping out their baby. This is probably the reason why Tom ordered me to stop Googling anything pregnancy-related.

I haven’t been entirely obedient, but I am coming around to the idea that, in this case, the less I know, the better off I am.

Case in point: on Tuesday, I watched the first episode from my newly-acquired “Laugh and Learn Childbirth” DVD. It’s a good thing that I hadn’t started watching 24-hours prior, as I would have sworn that Jacob would be making his grand entrance any minute. Why? Because one of the “six signs” of impending labor that Shari Bayles shares is how the body will “clear itself out” (the polite person’s way of saying ‘poop’) just prior to labor. So, if you’ve been regular, expect diarrhea; if you’ve been constipated, expect to go “seven times,” she says.

Up until the day before watching the DVD, I had been constipated for days. (As an aside, before I was expecting, I had no concept of being constipated. I’m now intimately acquainted with the condition, and I’m not a fan.) Ironically, that day, I went not once, not twice, but guess how many times? Yep, you got it—lucky number seven, just like she said on the DVD.

Obviously, despite my coincidental number matching, Jacob didn’t come the next day. And, since I hadn’t watched the DVD yet, I didn’t think twice about it. However, I can just imagine my level of expectation (no pun intended) had I watched the DVD the day prior. I would have been on red (labor) alert.

Moral of the story: Sometimes, ignorance is indeed bliss.

Although it won’t be easy, I’m going to do my best to quiet down my paranoia over the remaining weeks. After all, my midwife told me during my last appointment that babies are more likely to come quickly when the mama is relaxed.

Hmm, I wonder if that’s true? I think I’ll go Google it.