As a mom, you have a lot of things to be proud of. For starters, you gave life to a new human being—a new human being which just so happens to be the sweetest and cutest one on the planet. Then of course, there is the fact that you clean up another human’s poop on a daily basis without complaining, wake up three or four times a night and still function normally throughout the day and, oh, did I mention you created to prettiest kid ever known to man?
Those are the things that make you beam with pride. Those things are awesome. Those are the things you like to relish and, on occasion, mention to the world. (Case in point: the previous paragraph).
But then, there are the moments that you’d like to forget. You lost your temper at your little one, you let him cry for just a minute too long, you, for a split second, wished you could go back to your pre-motherhood days when you could take a bath, watch a movie or go to the bathroom without interruption.
They’re not shining moments, but they happen.
I’ve had to face that fact over the last month. Lately, stress levels for Tom and I have been off the charts as we’ve had to juggle moving into a new house, the holidays, work, and family obligations. In that time, I’ve done more than a few things I regret.
One of the worst? Laying Jacob down outside the shower door (on a rug, of course) while Tom was showering and telling him, out of the blue, to see what it feels like to not be able to take a shower without being interrupted. Oh, did I mention Jacob was crying his little eyes out at the time?
Just thinking about it makes me cringe. Admitting it to you makes me want to jump in a hole and pull the hole in after me.
Maybe it doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world. And, it’s true—it’s not like I was sticking pins in the little guy. But, knowing that I abandoned him in his moment of need (to my soaking wet and undoubtedly confused husband) makes me feel like the worst mother in the world.
The experience—and all of the guilt that followed afterward—made me realize that as much as we moms try do our best to exceed the natural, to prove to our baby, ourselves, our husbands and our family and friends, that we are Superwoman, we are still human.
And, humans screw up, and then we say we’re sorry, determine to do better and move on.