Hard to believe that Bub will be turning a year old in a couple weeks; seems like he should be at least eight or nine by now. So in his honor, I’ve decided to throw a party, for myself.
Well, and Mommy. Okay, mostly Mommy, I guess. Whatever, it’s for both of us. All of us. It’s a family party. Only Bub’s not invited.
What is proper first birthday etiquette, anyway? Is there some sort of manual for this? Perhaps I missed the memo. This is, once again, where not having friends with young kids puts us in that weird limbo of doing things that are either overly gauche or exceptionally trite. Probably a combination of the two.
We kicked around some ideas, back when it was still “his” party. The usual—little hats, baby music, bubbles. Boring. We wanted to put a spin on it, but how? Serving pureed ‘baby food’ to our guests? Shooters of breast milk? There just wasn’t a lot to work with, so I’m switching the focus back to Mommy and me.
I realize this could be construed as selfish behavior. Hey, I’m just trying to look at this whole thing logically. I like logic. I like to see all angles and avenues and make decisions based on empirical evidence and not Hallmark pressure. So, not that I need to justify it or anything, but here are my reasons for the decision:
1. He won’t remember it anyway! We all know the science, so who is this party really for then, anyway? Right, so let’s call this Daddyfest a Daddyfest (I mean Familyfest) and do what I (we) want to do. (Really, I think the reasons should just stop here, but I’ll keep going, because that’s what I do.)
2. He can’t perform fundamental birthday party duties. Fact: Bub cannot blow out a candle. Not even one! He can’t cut the cake or even open his own presents. He doesn’t really play with other kids (not he has any friends). So what exactly could he do? He could be the pi